In Evening Light
by shondajr
Summary: Because someone has to love Eve and Annalise as much as I do. [9 chapters / complete]
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Hi, so basically when watching HTGAWM, I fell in love with Eve. I'm just trying to fill in the blanks Shonda left in the way I wished they happened. This first chapter starts immediately after the end of the first episode. If you're uncomfortable with sexual acts, you definitely shouldn't read. It's about more than that though, of course. This story is about love. R &R please.**_

Eve is kissing Annalise. She's on cloud nine. She tries to recollect her thoughts, but Annalise hands are sliding up her back and then to up to cradle her face with a delicacy in sharp contrast to the ferociousness she attacks Eve's lips with. Annalise seems to know exactly what's she's doing somehow, and Eve is excited of course, but nervous. This is what she's been dreaming of, and it doesn't seem at all real but it is. Annalise is here, touching her, kissing her, _loving_ her (or at least that's what she chooses to believe) and it's amazing. Eve continues to kiss back, breathlessly and fully, hands grabbing Annalise's face in a less than gentle way but Annalise doesn't seem to mind. She just shrugs her jacket off and lets it fall to the ground, increases her speed and begins kissing Eve harder and more demandingly, biting her lip until she gasps and their tongues meet. Eve is holding back a bit of a moan, but she's trying her hardest not to seem too eager, even if her resolve is quickly unraveling. The kiss increases in depth and her head starts reeling.

"I missed you," Annalise mutters when they pull apart for a second. Eve takes a sharp breath and pulls Annalise's lips back to her own, needing to feel her against her. She wants a bit more though, so she tilts her head to give Annalise access to her neck, allowing her to slowly trails her hot mouth down Eve's jaw and chin, down to her neck at a spot at the base of Eve's where her jaw meets her neck and sucks ever so carefully. Eve can't help herself and she gasps, holding Annalise's head as her back arches in an effort to feel Annalise's body against hers.

"You remembered," she groans as Annalise continues to kiss and nibble and suck at the milky exposed skin of her neck. She's referring to that little sweet spot she has that Annalise found one night after a game of drunken truth or dare.

"How could I forget?" Annalise says ever so sweetly, running her hands down slowly until they reach Eve's breasts and she squeezes through her V-neck sweater. She smiles to herself as she notices that Eve is not wearing a bra. This fact becomes apparent when she feels her partner's nipples harder under her touch. Eve moans and Annalise pulls away.

"Don't stop," Eve says, almost begging. Her pupils have dilated, and Annalise could be mistaken but it looks like she wants her – right now. Annalise's answer is to kiss her once more before grasping the bottom of her top and pulling it up and over Eve's head.

Eve is suddenly self-conscious. She's always been thin, but even more so now than in college. Does Annalise like thin people? What if she's too bony?

Her fears are quickly put to rest as Annalise looks over her and bites her lip before rubbing her cheek gently.

"You're still beautiful," she murmurs and Eve lets out a shaky sigh as she returns her lips to her neck before trailing them over more of her key spots: her collarbone, a pulse point on her neck, the tip of her ear. All before crouching slightly and cupping Eve's right breast before placing a kiss on the tip of her hardened nipple.

"Annalise," Eve tries. Annalise fails to listen as she licks around Eve's right nipple and pulls it into her mouth before sucking slowly. Another moan erupts from Eve at this point, and struggles to find somewhere to place her hands. Annalise has never liked hands in her hair, and so Eve runs them through her own hair before placing them on Annalise's waist. Her mouth is indescribable, and Eve has also always been a sensitive lover. She doesn't think she'll honestly be able to last more than another 5 minutes and so she tugs Annalise's shirt to get her attention.

"Let's go to the bedroom," she whispers softly, sliding one hand into Annalise's free one. "C'mon."

Annalise shakes her head and doesn't move, Eve freezes, afraid of another rejection.

" _Here,"_ Annalise says decisively. Eve starts to protest but Annalise whirls them around and pushes Eve back suddenly so that her back is pressed firmly against the wall before she covers her mouth with her own and quiets her for the second time that night. "Trust me," she says when she pulls away and moves back down to Eve's chest to suck and nibble.

Eve would very much like to trust Annalise, but the fact is that she knows exactly how _close_ she is, and she doesn't want to express that because of how embarrassing it would be. " _I know we've only been making out for a few minutes but I'm coming."_ There's no way. In her own defense, she hasn't done this in a long time and Annalise had always had a certain effect on her. She still remembers the last time they did this, almost 15 years ago. Her body shudders and she forces herself to hold back as much as she can. Unfortunately, that's not much and she still moans a respectable "Oh, God," as Annalise nibbles on a nipple. Annalise seems to be enjoying herself, constantly massaging both breasts and kissing all over the surface of them gently, but Eve is honestly struggling. It's only been another couple of minutes and she's squirming ready to explode. "Annie," she tries, her voice soft. But then, suddenly, Annalise groans into her chest quietly and squeezes a bit harder and Eve can't stop herself. She comes, with her pants and underwear still completely on right there up against the wall. She tries her hardest to play it down, she really does, but the orgasm is sharp and pleasurable and it hits her hard, causing her legs to shake so badly that she almost falls down. A very loud and oddly high pitched moan escapes her mouth and she has to close her eyes as she lets go. As she comes down her chest is heaving and her cheeks are flushed because Annalise is watching her. She looks down reflexively and sees that her pants have a slightly visible dark mark on them between her legs.

"You came?" Annalise asks, matter-of-factly, sliding her hands down to the waistband of Eve's pants.

"I-"Eve stutters, not knowing what to say or how to explain it. She had only had a nipple orgasm once before and she knew how rare they were. She didn't want to seem odd or overly eager. "I just, I mean, just a little." Annalise raises an eyebrow and pulls Eve's pants down swiftly and glances at her soaked panties before removing them as well. Without warning, she plunges her hand into Eve's warmth and rubs agonizingly slowly.

"All little," Annalise muses, finding Eve's clit rather quickly before rubbing it. She's absolutely soaked and a bit sticky and warm, and Annalise can't help but place another kiss on her mouth and then her cheek. "Seems like a bit more than just a little." Eve's cheeks redden even more as she moans and Annalise laughs softly, a wide, very happy smile spreading on her face and immediately tearing down Eve's insecurities. "I'm so glad I could please you," she whispers, kissing her gently as she works a finger into Eve's slit. Eve moans into her mouth. She can't support herself for much longer, her legs are quivering and her whole body is shaking slightly, like the glasses on a table would in a small earthquake. Annalise notices this and pulls away gently.

"You can show me the bed now," she whispers. It seems as if her voice has dropped an octave and Eve finds it extremely enticing and she bites her bottom lip gently before nodding, unable to hide her smile. It's just beginning to sink in what's happening and she couldn't imagine a better night.

"C'mon," Eve answers softly, moving away from the wall and grasping Annalise's hand tightly. She had never been so happy anything had happened. Because what she said was true – she did think about Annalise every night. She'd loved her since Harvard. She loved her right now as she pulled her into her tastefully decorated bedroom and down into her bed. As Annalise began to kiss her again, this time much more softly, Eve could only think of how badly she wanted to make love to her. So she broke their kiss and chewed on her bottom lip again before scooting into the center of the bed and pushing Annalise back gently before kissing her, only pausing to remove her top and then her pants so that she remained in only a bra and underwear underneath Eve's naked body. She sighed impossibly softly and ran a hand down her lover's chocolate colored skin, tracing over areas like sensitive areas like her cleavage and belly button, down to her inner thigh so that goosebumps appeared of Annalise's skin. She looked up carefully as she did so and noticed Annalise watching her very attentively before she lifted a smooth brown hand to Eve's cheek. For just a second, Eve dares to hope that maybe she's having the same effect on Annalise that Annalise is having on her. She starts to move her hands to Annalise's back to remove her bra but the shorter woman shakes her head.

"Not yet," she says, sitting up a bit before flipping them over. It's been awhile since Annalise has had sex with a woman honestly, but she remembers the basics of what to do, and something in her really wants to please Eve tonight. She feels like she owes that to her at least.

"But I want to-," Eve says, but Annalise shushes her softly in that effective way of kissing her. It's more sensual than the last ones and when Annalise pulls away, Eve is panting. Annalise smiles smugly and kisses her way down Eve's body, paying attention to her now red nipples and then her bellybutton and then her hips until she's hovering right above her core. Annalise licks the length of Eve's slit experimentally, and she wiggles a bit, asking for more friction. "Don't tease Annie, not tonight." Annalise freezes for a second. Eve is back to calling her that nickname, the one she used to say with so much affection it was easy to believe she loved her. It makes Annalise's heart flutter. Things could have been so different. Eve wouldn't have cheated on her. She wouldn't have made her feel worthless.

She's thinking too much.

She came here not to have to think.

Eve starts to sit up to see what's wrong, but Annalise pushes her back and starts licking again, a bit more aggressively. Eve pulls the comforter into her hands and squeezes slowly, her hips rolling involuntarily as she grinds back against Annalise's hot, wet mouth. To Annalise, Eve tastes sweet, and strangely enticing and so Annalise starts to suck small areas, swallowing as she goes until Eve's pretty much cleaned up. Eve thinks that's it, and that it is Annalise's turn, but then her lips close over Eve's clit and a breathy moan escapes from her mouth.

"Oh," she says softly, looking up at the ceiling as she falls back. "Oh, _Annie."_ Annalise sighs softly into Eve and she shivers as a result of the sensation. Annalise seems to be wasting no time as she gradually increases her speed and force before sliding two fingers into Eve carefully. Eve gives a surprised gasp that quickly turns into a moan as Annalise begins to stretch her out and move her fingers in a curling motion, hitting right up where Eve needs it.

"Right there," Eve whispers, voice hushed, she moves against Annalise's mouth a bit roughly, amazed by how she knows just how to touch to get a reaction. "Don't stop. Don't you dare stop." Another moan. Annalise is working her fingers even faster, tired as they are, because she wants to send Eve over the edge. She's absolutely beautiful, trying to wiggle under Annalise's mouth and fingers, calling her name. She deserves to be satisfied. So Annalise doesn't stop until a few second later when Eve lets out an almost-scream and Annalise has to remove her fingers so she can come. Annalise pulls back to watch Eve's arching back and shaking legs as liquid pours out of her slit and runs down her length, Annalise catches with her mouth quickly, moaning just a bit into Eve at the amazing taste. She rubs Eve's thighs slowly as she licks her clean, taking her time. Eve comes down gradually, letting out a few more streams of cum every now and then. When she's done Annalise comes up slightly and kisses her thighs and the base of her stomach.

"That was…" Annalise starts, trying to find the right words. "Just amazing." Eve giggles softly and pulls Annalise up to kiss her. It feels just like college. It's funny to taste herself on Annalise's lips, but she likes it. It's sensual, and it only makes her want to taste Annalise even more.

"But now, it's your turn," Eve says softly, as they pull back. She sits up with Annalise and make her turn her back to her so she can remove her bra. Then she lays Annalise back again and climbs on top of her and smiles softly."Annie, you're so beautiful," she murmurs, and she thinks Annalise actually blushes before she leans down and kisses her. It's tender and perfect and everything she wants. Eve continues to kiss her slowly, losing herself in how right everything feels. She only pauses when she feels something warm and salty run down her cheek and into her mouth. She pulls away and looks at Annalise to find that she's crying again.

"Annalise," she says softly, but Annalise wipes her face and shakes her head and wipes her tears. Eve purses her lips and looks at the beautiful woman in front of her and decides that she's going to make her feel better.

"Annalise," Eve repeats, moving her hand to tilt up Annalise's chin. Annalise is angry at herself for crying. She doesn't want to talk to Eve now, she wants to feel someone else's body against hers but now they're right back where they started with her crying because she just had to think about how things could have been different and now Eve will be ready to talk again. That's not what Annalise wants though.

" I don't want to talk about it, I just," Annalise tries but her voice cracks. Eve nods rapidly and leans in to kiss her temple, then her lips.

"We don't have to talk anymore," Eve says softly, nodding a bit, before sliding her hands around Annalise's chest and unhooking her bra before helping her out of it. "It's okay. Just lay back."

Annalise sighs softly, unbelievably glad that Eve does as she's told and let's Eve leans down over her and hold her face and kiss her in that way that almost makes her feel like she's not a terrible person. Then she zones out. She stops thinking for a second and pays attention to the feeling of Eve's hands on her face, the way she pulls her in so they're impossibly close. Every time she pulls back for them to catch their breath, she goes right back in again like she only wants to feel Annalise's lips. Then she moves her lips away from Annalise's, to her cheek, her ears, her forehead, her temple, her jaw. Eve is set on proving to Annalise that she loves her. And maybe she can't say it, but she sure as hell is going to show it. So she moves her lips everywhere, tasting every part of her body. She leaves a sloppily trail of kisses down one arm to Annalise's fingertips, then down the center of her chest and over both breasts - causing her to shiver - then down her other arm and lower, over her hips and thighs and calves, down to her shoes which Eve quickly removes before kissing her feet too. After she's explored almost every part of Annalise's perfect body, and Annalise is shaking, she returns to the area she skipped over - her core. She tugs the waistband of Annalise's underwear down slightly and kisses down gently before tugging the thin material off completely. She spreads her lips a bit, pleasantly surprised to find her already wet. Eve runs her fingers over Annalise's folds gently and sticks them into her mouth to taste after, moaning gently. She tastes amazing. Eve makes herself comfortable, laying flat on her stomach before diving into Annalise's depths.

On the other end, Annalise's senses are on overdrive. Eve has teased every sensitive area. She's kissed every soft spot, and Annalise is ready to unravel under her skillful mouth. She wishes every time she had sex was like this. As Eve tends to her, she slides her hands into her curly brown hair and tugs back a bit before moaning lowly. Eve loves this feeling and she groans quietly into Annalise before finding her clit and licking across it. Annalise shivers and arches her back.

"Right there," she says quietly. "Oh, my god, right there."

Eve listens, and continues to stroke across that spot with her tongue, back and forth diagonally with feather light licks. Annalise's breathing speeds up and her legs tighten around Eve's head. She's never been a loud lover, but more into touching. She slides her hands down until they reach Eve's upper back and clutches onto her skin, slightly digging her nails in until Eve gasps. Eventually, Annalise can't hold on anymore and she begins her orgasm, turning her head sideways to moan into the pillow. Eve makes some soft noise of approval as she begins to lap up the juices flowing out of Annalise and their quiet moans harmonize.

A short while after, Annalise lays on her back under the comforter of Eve's bed. Eve lays under the covers as well, but on her side so she can look at Annalise, The sheets lay loosely around her, leaving one breast exposed.

"That was...wonderful," Annalise says slowly, staring at the ceiling. Eve smiles softly and traces a finger down Annalise's arm.

"I know," she murmurs softly. She wishes she could say I love you. She thought at first that she would had gotten over Annalise. But she understood now that she never had been.

"Was it always this good?" Annalise asks, almost to herself. Eve chuckles and Annalise cracks a small smile. "I guess it was, wasn't it? We should have never stopped." She doesn't realize what she's saying until the words leave her mouth and Eve inhales.

"Well towards the end, you started doing it with your therapist," answers Eve. She tries to smile again but she ends up looking sad anyways. Annalise rolls onto her side and looks her in the eye.

"I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry for hurting you," she says quietly. "I never meant for things to turn out like they did."

"I'm not hurt," Eve says quickly, used to defending herself. Annalise just looks at her, and remembers when Eve started to leave town, angry and yelling at her that she couldn't just use people and expect them to stick around.

Had she just used her again tonight?

"Alright," she says. "And you don't think about me every night?"

Eve blushes, and Annalise smiles in a way that makes it impossible for Eve not to love her. She loves her so much. Even like this, disheveled and a bit sticky after the activities of the night, smiling like she used to when they were together. After they had first met again, Eve had almost convinced herself that it was going to be okay. They could work together and she could not think about Annalise _like that_ , but after one night of tossing and turning in her bed thinking about her, she had suspected she'd been wrong. She'd always known that she'd had still had feelings for her. After Harvard, she could never find someone she felt the same way about. She never met someone she could imagine a future with. She told herself that it was just because Annalise was her first love, but eventually she'd subconsciously given up on looking for someone else to take her place. She would whole heartedly take her back after all these years, even though doing that would make her either an idiot or in love. She preferred to refer to the later more often.

"Do you ever think about me?" Eve asks after a moment, turning the tables. She tries to sound casual, but it's so hard. She doesn't want to be hurt, and she doesn't know what Annalise wants from her. But this seems so right, she just wants to be with her again. She has to know though. Was it really that easy for Annalise to set her aside and forget about everything they had?

"Yes," Annalise answers, honestly for once. It's not something she does often. "I tried not to at first, but I did anyways."

Eve smiles and presses a soft kiss to her lips before laying her head on Annalise's chest. That tells her enough, for now at least.

They sit in silence for a moment, and Eve starts to drift off. She has had a rather long day, and she's so comfortable...

"Well," says Annalise suddenly. "I should probably head home." She sits up a bit and Eve wakes up a bit, rubbing her eyes.

"What? Why would you leave?" She doesn't want to see Annalise leave. She doesn't know when she'd come back, or what would happen the next time they saw each other. She did not want to go back to what they had been. She wanted Annalise here.

"It's just so late, and tomorrow I have work to do for this case," Annalise starts. Eve shakes her head a bit and catches her hand.

"Tomorrow is _Sunday_ , Annalise," she says, a bit tiredly. "You can't drive back in the middle of the night. Just stay."

"It would just probably be best," Annalise says slowly, and Eve catches her eye and she understands. Annalise doesn't want to spend the night. They aren't a couple who shares a bed. This wasn't going to be a constant thing. She didn't feel like Eve did. Eve's heart wrenches but she decides that she still can't just let Annalise go. It wouldn't be safe so late.

"Come here," she says, struggling to keep her voice level. She leans in and gives Annalise a slow and gentle kiss. It's the only way Eve can think of convincing Annalise. When they pull away from each other, Eve holds Annalise's gaze and pulls her back against her chest softly.

"Just stay," she repeats, rubbing Annalise's cheek. Annalise watches her and her wavering gaze before her resolve melts. Eve looks so sad. Annalise wasn't even really sure why she came here anymore, but she knew that she couldn't just walk away with Eve looking all sad-puppy.

"Okay," she says softly, agreeing. "Relax." She lays back and Eve kisses her once more, unable to help herself. Once again, like a fool, she begins to think that maybe Annalise does care about her. So she nods softly and lays back, but then Annalise moves closer to her and wraps her arms around her before pressing a soft kiss to her neck.

"Goodnight," she says quietly.

"Goodnight," answers Eve. She pauses and bites her tongue. A few minutes later, after Annalise has closed her eyes and her breathing has evened out, she whispers into the top of her head.  
"I love you."

Annalise doesn't hear, but Eve almost wishes she does.

In the morning, Eve wakes up first. She's curled up next to Annalise, who's still deep in sleep. Eve sits up a bit, and looks at the woman snoring lightly in her bed. She's gorgeous, even now, with her wig slightly askew and her smudged makeup. She's unguarded, not trying to seem emotionless like she sometimes does. Eve can almost see the girl she met at Harvard all those years ago. She leans down and presses a soft kiss to Annalise's lips before pulling away and getting out of bed. She smiles, noticing that Annalise doesn't even stir. Eve knows she must be exhausted. So she tiptoes to her dresser and puts on a shirt and underwear before going into the kitchen to make something for breakfast.

Annalise wakes up an hour later. She's startled to find herself in someone else's bed, but then she remembers last night and what happened and she takes a second to inhale the smell of Eve's covers before she stands up. She touches her head, shocked to find her wig still on, feeling crooked. Oh god, she must look a mess. She hurries into Eve's bathroom and sighs at the reflection she sees in the mirror. She needs to ask Eve to take a shower so she can look better than this. Anything would be better than this. Where is Eve anyways?

"Eve," she calls, stepping just outside the bathroom.

"Yes," calls a pleasant voice from the kitchen. Annalise becomes aware of the delicious smell of coffee. Eve must be making some for them. Annalise's stomach twists. She's too sweet for Annalise. She's too good for her.

"Can I take a shower?" Annalise asks.

"Of course," says Eve. "Come here first though."

"I don't think I should."

"Why is that?"

Annalise glances at the mirror again. "I look a hot mess. I'd like to freshen up a bit."

"Don't be silly," says Eve. Annalise can hear the amusement in her voice. "You look perfect, but the towels are in the linen closet. Take your time, you can use whatever you need."

Annalise smiles softly and closes the door to the bathroom. She opens the closet and gets a towel and a washrag before coming back to the sink and removing her wig. She sighs into the mirror. She has insecurities, about the way she looks among other things, and looking in the mirror with a bare face and hair make her feel almost small. She turns away and moves to the large glass shower, and she opens it and turns the water on before hanging up her towel and stepping in. She stood under the warm water and sighed to herself softly. She takes out the braids in her hair and lets the water run through her scalp so that her hair is loose and curly. She would have to leave the wig off for now at least. She hadn't brought a brush, or comb, or any makeup or clothes. Coming here was a spur of the moment decision. She didn't know if it was the right decision to make, but she'd done it and last night had been great. She just didn't know what Eve would expect next. Annalise had just wanted some comfort, or at least she thought she did. But it almost felt like Eve was giving her love. It made Annalise afraid. They had been the same so many years ago, and she'd left because it felt too perfect. Now, she didn't know when she'd last been loved. She thought Sam had loved her, and that hadn't been the same. Nate hated her; he had to. But then there was Eve, willing to forgive her and do what they had done even after all Annalise had done wrong. Annalise had always thought she might have made a mistake all those years. Now, she was definitely thinking about the road not taken.

She showered leisurely, taking time to lather her body up and rinse her face. When she stepped out, she felt like a new person. She found a toothbrush and mouthwash under the sink and used both. Then, she applied lotion after towel drying, and stepped into Eve's room. Eve was still in the kitchen, humming now, so Annalise just looked in her top drawer and pulled out a Harvard t-shirt and almost put it on. She held it to her nose and inhaled softly. It smelled just like Eve always had, of comfort food, like cupcakes, and of cotton. But then she convinced herself that she wouldn't be staying here much longer. She needed time to think and to work, and she couldn't concentrate if she was here with Eve being all perfect and sweet. So, Annalise found the clothes she'd lost last night and put them back on (excluding her panties), before walking out of the room and down into the kitchen where Eve stood, sipping on a cup of coffee. She smiled when she saw Annalise. Eve couldn't help but muse to herself over how perfect Annalise looked. She liked her hair, all curly and natural. She sat down her coffee cup and stepped over to Annalise.

"Good morning," she said softly, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to Annalise's lips. It takes the latter by surprise, but it also make her stomach flutter.

"Good morning," she says back after Eve moves away.

"I like your hair," Eve says, smiling softly over the rim of her coffee cup. She manages to make Annalise smile a bit, because she knows the compliment is sincere. She's suddenly overwhelmed with the need to kiss her again but she manages to subdue it.

"Thank you," she answers. "I like your robe." Eve blushes here. Her robe is made of a light blue, sheer material. Annalise can tell she's not wearing anything underneath.

"Thank you," Eve says softly, looking down into her coffee cup. She's extremely enticing. Annalise had almost forgotten what it was like to be around her. She wasn't going to let her libido get the best of her. She should probably get home. She clears her throat and sighs softly.

"I probably should get going."

"But I cooked," Eve says. Annalise raises a skeptical eyebrow. Eve could never cook. Eve hold her eye for a second before bursting out into laughter with Annalise. "Okay fine, I made you a bagel, and coffee." She turns and sets her cup down to get what she had prepared for Annalise. She hands it to her with a shy smile. Annalise smiles and takes the food, setting the bagel on the bar before sipping the coffee. She makes a small sound of approval.

"Mm, you remembered," she says, referring to the fact that her coffee is prepared just the way she likes it. It reminds Eve of last night though and she bites her bottom lip softly as Annalise takes another sip.

"Annalise," she starts, stepping in closer. As Annalise sets down her cup, she looks up just in time to see Eve reaching for her face as she pulls her in to kiss her hungrily. Annalise is surprised by Eve's passion. Eve surprised herself as well. She didn't know exactly came over her, but she wanted to have Annalise in her arms one last time back she left. She runs her hands down the shorter woman's sides and back, pulling her closer as she kisses her just a few more times. She's breathless, but she doesn't want to stop. She doesn't want Annalise to leave, she doesn't want to be alone.

Soon though, Annalise pulls away, She's breathing a bit hard, and so is Eve, her, lips tinged red.

"I should really get going," Annalise murmurs.

"I know," Eve answers, running a hand down her face. They kiss again briefly. Annalise pulls back once more and squeezes Eve's hand softly, running her eyes over her old lover's face. She's aged of course, but she's still the same person Annalise fell in love with all those years ago.

"I'll talk to you soon," she says finally. She regretfully pulls out of Eve's arms and grabs her bagel before walking to the door.

"Wait," Eve says softly. Annalise looks back and she bites her lip before changing her mind quickly. "I'm taking Nate's case." Annalise manages a small smile.

"Thank you," she mouths. Then she steps out.

"I love you." Eve whispers to the closed door.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: This chapter fills in the holes of episode 2. I think every chapter is just going to be a continuation of the episode before last. That way, I can work them so that they stay cannon. I'm really trying to characterize Eve and Annalise like they're portrayed on the show; if you have any suggestions, please let me know! Shoutout to Auckland2015 for the shower scene idea. ;-) R &R.**_

Sex with Annalise is different the second time around. Eve doesn't exactly feel the need to prove that she loves Annalise anymore. She's said it and shown it as much as she can. She knows that she means it. She also knows that Annalise doesn't feel the same, Not yet at least. She can't help but hope that soon, in the future, she'll be able to convince her that they could be together. At least she knows she matters to Annalise. The most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me, she'd said. Eve knew that wasn't love, but it was all she had.

So they make love, or at least that's what Eve thinks of it as, slowly and passionately, not rushing. Eve takes care of Annalise first, paying attention to every little part of her body, touching every piece of skin. Annalise is quiet as usual, but Eve can tell she's enjoying herself by the way she touches her back and and grips her hand. She makes eye contact with Annalise as she touches her core for the first time that night, and she holds Annalise's hand with her free one and watches her pupils dilate. It's a rush.

Annalise takes care of Eve too of course, making her whimper. One of these days she'll have to learn to be quiet. Annalise doesn't seem to mind tonight though, it just seems to spur her on. All in all, it's a wonderful night. They don't stop and relax until it's nearly 1 in the morning and they're both exhausted. Eve lays with her head on Annalise's chest, which is covered by a soft comforter. Annalise is playing with her hair. Eve doesn't want to move, but she can't help but ask.

"Do you want me to leave?" She's starting to feel guilty again for what happened the courtroom. However, that seems to be the last thing on Annalise's mind for once. Annalise has finally let herself enjoy this. She likes holding Eve, she likes being with her. So what if she has feelings for her? There's no reason for her to be afraid, not now.

"No," she answers softly, a bit absent mindedly. She's still thinking about Eve's confession.

"I'm serious Annalise. If you just wanted the sex-" Eve starts, biting her lip. She says it like a joke, but that's not how she means it. Annalise looks down at Eve before pulling her chin up and kissing her softly.

"I don't want you to leave," she says firmly after they pull away.

"Okay," answers Eve. Annalise is quiet for a moment. She knows Eve is eventually leaving for New York now that Nate's case is over. The thought makes her stomach twinge. Being with Eve almost makes her feel human. She feels normal again, even though Eve was the one who had stripped her down and made her feel like she was almost nothing. She had fixed it as soon as she had confessed to Annalise that she loved her though. Those words fixed her, if only momentarily. No one had told Annalise those words in a very long time. She hadn't believed them in even longer. She wanted to believe them now. Eve was doing all the right things. She knew how to make Annalise feel loved. When Eve left, things would go back to normal, and she would be alone. It wasn't as if they could actually be together. She couldn't think of the exact reasons why, but she had never imagined them actually working out because of this.

"When do you have to go back?" she asks, trying to clear her mind. Eve sighs softly. Annalise almost thinks she doesn't want to leave.

"I have a train ticket for tomorrow that leaves at 3," she answers.

"So you wouldn't really have to leave until 2?" asks Annalise, sounding a bit hopeful.

"I guess," Eve says, glancing up, a small smile playing over her lips. "Why?"

"Maybe I can make you a real breakfast," she says, running a hand down Eve's arm. Eve scoffs playfully.

"So what you're saying is, my bagel wasn't a 'real breakfast'," she says, grinning.

"Not a full breakfast per say..."

"I put a lot of work into that!"

"I didn't say it wasn't a good bagel!"

They're both giggling now, transported back to better times. It feels good to laugh, especially to Annalise, who seems to only be able to smile in the presence of Eve now. The laughter dies down to soft chuckling, and Eve cups Annalise's cheek and rubs it softly, smiling. Annalise covers her hand with her own.

"You always knew how to make me smile," she says softly.

"Well you always made me happy. I was just returning the favor," says Eve, a bit bashfully. Annalise smiles and looks away for a second.

"Do you really love me?" she asks, out of the blue. It kind of just tumbled out of her mouth, but now she's looking at Eve. The question had been building up, and all off Annalise's efforts to push it back had failed. Eve purses her lips.

"I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true," Eve answers. "You can trust that."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Annalise asks. She's not making it easy for Eve, who is quickly becoming self-conscious.

"You didn't exactly make it easy. I couldn't tell what you wanted. I can't tell how you feel. I didn't see what would be gained by me telling you. But I just couldn't stop thinking about you, and in the courtroom I let my emotions get the best of me, because I just lose it when I'm around you, I don't know," she stammers. "I told you, you have an effect on me and I just can't help it. That's how I feel, and I just didn't know how to keep hiding it, even if you don't feel the same"

"How do you know that?" Annalise says quickly. Eve's eyes immediately shoot up.  
"You said it was just sex," Eve asks. "I don't feel that way, but that's what you said. But was it really? The other night? Tonight?"

"No," Annalise answers, shaking her head rapidly to assure Eve, who's eyes are moist. "You knew that wasn't true."

"I didn't want it to be, but that's not the same," Eve says, her voice shaky.

"It wasn't. It's always been more with you." Annalise's words are soothing, and Eve feels less hysterical.

"Okay," she says. Annalise still never said what it meant though. That was really the problem. They didn't mean anything. They weren't anything. She wanted to be something. She wanted to come home to Annalise. She wanted everything they were supposed to have. She wanted to start moving on with her life. She couldn't do it without Annalise. Not now. She pauses a bit before starting to speak again, slowly, thoughtfully. "Anyways, I didn't think you cared."

"I care," Annalise says.

"Do you?" answers Eve, looking away. "I think so. You have to, because you're here. Or at least that's what I tell myself." Annalise sighs softly, and pulls her head up a bit, looking her in the eye before rubbing her cheek.

"I care for you," she says slowly.

"You care for Nate," Eve says, unable to help herself. She smiles sadly, and Annalise shakes her head.

"That isn't the same. I never loved him like I loved you" This is something very large for Annalise to admit. She's beginning to think, or maybe realize, that Eve is the only person she's actually loved. Sam was convenient. Nate was an escape. Eve was perfect. She remembers at Harvard how she always had an answer to questions. She was smart, and beautiful of course. She had always caught the eye of lots of people. But somehow, Annalise had been lucky enough to catch her eye. And after they had first gotten together, Annalise noticed that Eve brushed everyone else off - all for her. She'd taken what they had for granted. Things had always been good. At least until Annalise had wrecked them. She frowns now, and tears start to well up in her eyes.

Eve inhales shakily. She wants Annalise to love her now, but she knows what she's trying to say. If this is as close as she can get, Eve is going to take it. But she's going to be honest.

"I was hurt when you left," she admits, softly. "I didn't understand how you could. I thought things were so good. I loved you so much. I thought that was it and then," she tries, her voice uneven and laced with emotion. Annalise cuts her off.

"Things were good. You were perfect," she says softly, voicing her thoughts as she raises both of her hands to Eve's face. "and I was a coward for leaving."

"You shouldn't have left," Eve says, swallowing. "I would have taken care of us. It could have worked." Annalise's heart twinges. She hadn't ever felt so much regret, except for maybe when the original act had occurred.

"I know it," Annalise says. "But that's the past. Now we're here. Focus on now." Then of course, they kiss. It seems to be the only thing to do in situations like this. Their hands roam over each other's bodies quickly, but eventually they calm down and break away, and Eve lays her head on Annalise's chest. She listens to the slow, steady rhythm of her heartbeat.

"Don't go anywhere," she whispers to Annalise. Annalise chuckles softly.

"It's my house," she quips. But Eve is already asleep.

Annalise has a bad dream. Sam's haunting her in a way. She keeps seeing him and Lila. Him dumping her in a water tank. A drowning, unborn baby.

The kind of events that normal people only see in their nightmares. For Annalise, things don't get better when she opens her eyes. Like when she bolts up now, in the middle of the night, heart racing. She feels shaky and sweaty and all she wants is Eve. But when she reaches out, she's not there.

"Eve?" Annalise calls shakily. No response. She starts to rush to get out of bed and look for her. She wouldn't have left would she? She couldn't leave. "Eve." Her voice is more panicked now. She hears footsteps. And then, just like out of a dream, Eve appears in her doorway, a glass of water in hand. Tall and gorgeous, as always, in one of Annalise's tshirts. She steps in and sees Annalise's face, and quickly sets her glass down on Annalise's nightstand before crawling into bed next to her.

"Annalise, what's wrong?" she asks, seeing the frightened look on her lover's face. She touches her gently to find that she's shaking.

"Bad dream," Annalise says quietly, feeling a little better now that she knew Eve hadn't left her. Now, if only she'd hold her.

"You're scared. Come here," says Eve softly, pulling Annalise to her. She quickly wraps her arms around her, enveloping her in a warm embrace. Annalise is finally able to relax, at least a little. She's still shaking.

"I thought you'd left me," she admits, clutching the fabric of the shirt Eve's wearing. Eve kisses her forehead and then murmurs against Annalise's forehead.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"If you knew, the things I've done," Annalise stresses. She's referring to Sam, to Rebecca. She hadn't exactly caused either death, but she was still responsible. She was still horrible. Why was it that she always got this clarity at night? Eve sighs softly, and tugs Annalise closer as she lays back, pulling her almost on top of her.

"I am not leaving," she says sternly, so determined that Annalise almost believes her. Almost.

"I-" she starts, her voice wavering.

"I love you," Eve says quietly. Annalise shuts her mouth tightly. She wants to respond, but she's so exhausted and so tired of trying to figure things out. "You don't have to say it back."

Annalise is glad. She manages to stop shaking. Eve hums quietly and kisses the top of her head again. Soon enough, she's asleep.

Eve wakes up first in the morning again. It's a bit late, maybe already 11. The sun is high. Annalise is still in her arms. She smiles softly, and rubs her back gently, not hard enough to make Annalise stir. She studies the face of her lover. She's gorgeous in Eve's eyes, and she always has been. Eve wants to be angry. Annalise left, she should be upset. Instead, she's in bed and in love with Annalise. She just wants for Annalise to be hers. It's all she'd ever wanted.

Annalise seems to feel Eve's eyes on her and she wakes up slowly. She opens her eyes and looks up, observing Eve's concentrated face.

"Always the early riser," she says softly. "What are you thinking about?" she asks, her voice raspy from sleep.

"About how I want to wake up like this every morning," Eve answers, blunt about her feelings as usual. Annalise cracks a smile. Sometimes, she's so sweet, it's hard to be tense around her.

"That would be nice," she states, rubbing Eve's cheek softly. They sit for a few seconds, watching each other before Annalise makes a move and kisses Eve gently. Eve responds immediately, like she had been thinking about the same thinking. Annalise let's out small sigh as she relaxes, wrapping her arms around her. Eve has a way of cradling her face with both hands to get Annalise as close as possible, and she absolutely loves it. It kind of makes Annalise feel like Eve is giving her her all, and that's all Annalise could ever want. Now, as the kiss deepens, she slides her hands under the loose t-shirt she has on, running her hands over every curve. Eve shivers slightly under her touch. They break apart after a few seconds, breathing a bit harder than normal. Eve slides her hand down Annalise's bare shoulder.

"It would be nice to shower," Eve comments, tracing small circles on the skin of Annalise's arm.

"You can of course," Annalise answers. "And I can make breakfast."

"No," Eve answers, looking up to catch Annalise's eye. "I mean together." She smiles, and Annalise just has to smile back.

They make love in the shower, of course. After they get out, Annalise gives Eve things like a toothbrush and toothpaste, as well as a t shirt and pants to put on. She doesn't own many casual clothes, but in one of her drawers way in the back, there are some faded, comfortable shirts she'd collected over time. She gets ready herself as well; applying lotion before tying up her hair and putting on a loose robe. She helps Eve collect her clothes before they make the bed and head downstairs. Eve leans on the counter as Annalise pulls out the ingredients for a quick breakfast; bread, bacon, and eggs.

"When did you learn how to cook anyways?" Eve teases. In law school, Annalise hadn't technically been that great of a cook either

"After I got married," Annalise answers matter-of-factly. "Apparently, you're not allowed to be a wife unless you cook."

Eve purses her lips together and plays with her fingers for a second.  
"I guess it's a shame you didn't marry me then," she comments, having perfected the art of pretending to be okay when she was hurt. "I could have been eating real breakfasts all of these years,"

Annalise realizes what's being said and she slows down as she adds the bacon to the pan on the stove.

"A shame," she repeats, pretty weakly.

They're quiet for a second.

"You still like scrambled eggs?" Annalise asks, looking back. Eve tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and nods. Annalise turns back around and continues to cook. For the rest of the time, they don't say anything. What do you say to someone you wish was your partner for life?

"Order up," Annalise says as she finally finishes. She places Eve's plate in front of her with a fork. The plate is carefully arranged with toast, bacon, and scrambled eggs.

"This looks delicious Annalise," says Eve, sounding quite surprised.

"I'm glad," she says, smiling a bit as she opens the fridge and gets the orange juice. She sets the carton on the counter before grabbing two glasses and pouring them both something to drink.

She stands next to Eve and they eat standing up. Annalise leans so that her shoulder is pressed against Eve, so she doesn't feel awkward. It's a comfortable silence, but Annalise makes the mistake of looking at the clock and ruining it.

"Oh, it's 1:50, you're going to have to leave soon," she comments, straightening up and picking up her empty plate.

"I'll go change. Can you call a cab?" Eve says, mimicking Annalise as she picks up her plate and puts it in the sink. Then she grabs her clothes and heads to the guest bathroom down the hall.

Annalise does call a cab, and by the time she hangs up, Eve is out and dressed in her clothes from last night. She hands Annalise her thing and says thank you a bit bashfully. They step to the foyer to wait for the cab, which was promised to come promptly. Their eyes meet again.  
"I'm going to miss you," says Eve first.

"I"m going to miss you too," says Annalise, a small smile on her face. She rubs Eve's cheek gently. They really had something going on with the face touching. Surprisingly, Annalise liked the touch as long as it was from Eve.

"Don't stop thinking about me."

"I could never."

Eve smiles at this answer, and looks away as the cab horn beeps. She kisses Annalise in a way she can't in public before they both pull back and step outside to say goodbye.

Annalise hates goodbye.

Eve invites her to New York, and she will think about it.

She doesn't know how to just pick up and leave though. It would be a very spontaneous move. She was not a spontaneous person.

So after Eve left, she stepped inside and decided to make a decision that she was more used to: Drink.


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: Pretty OC, takes place after episode 3. And sorry.**_

Annalise hasn't been able to sleep since Eve left. She didn't know what exactly was wrong with her, but something definitely wasn't right.

She figured maybe she really was just lonely, and that was why she'd gotten all dressed up and gone to Nate's. It was a long shot,but she saw him as her only option. She could sleep with him, no strings attached. Never mind all the morals she'd be breaking. Wasn't she already a horrible person anyways? But Nate had turned her down, and so she'd been forced to return to her apartment and attempt to get some sleep with her old friend - vodka. And that's who'd she'd been sleeping with since that night. Now, here she was two weeks later, getting ready to drink herself to sleep again.

Of course, she could have called Eve, but there were so many strings attached in their relationship. It was complicated. Annalise had no desire to use Eve. It wouldn't be fair. Annalise would go to her asking for sex and Eve would give her that and love and dedication as a bonus, and she just couldn't deal with that tonight. Annalise would feel guilty, because she seriously doubted their ability to work as a couple, and she knew that was what Eve really wanted. What it really boiled down to was the fact that Eve had always been too good for Annalise. Always. This was the reason Annalise hadn't responded to any of Eve's emails or calls. She felt guilty of course, but drinking helped. To be honest, she'd been drunk so many times in the past week that she was beginning to worry about the state of her liver.

That didn't stop her now though. She grabbed a bottle of vodka from the kitchen immediately after walking into the house. She didn't feel like working on a case tonight, with those ungrateful, lover twins. Her head was already pounding. So she took the bottle of alcohol and container of Chip-Ahoy cookies to the couch and laid out, prepared to drink her feelings away.

She almost succeeded.

Half of the bottle was gone and she felt warm and fuzzy. She recapped the bottle after a few tries and sets it down, deciding to leave it by the couch to retrieve in the morning. It takes a few more tries for her to fully stand up, and as soon as she does her cellphone rings. Something pushes her to answer it.

"Annalise Keating," she says, using all of her effort to sound as sober as possible.

"Annalise, it's Eve," says Eve on the other end of the line. She's a little frustrated. Annalise hasn't been answering her phone or email in the last week and she was a bit upset that she would just leave her hanging after everything they'd discussed.

"I know who it is," answers Annalise, her inhibition slipping. Her words slide around in her mind and flow out of her mouth and blend into each other. Eve listens to her speech, and any anger she had been holding immediately melts away.

"Are you drunk?"

"No," answers Annalise, sniffing. She doesn't sound very convincing even to herself. "I'm fine."

"You're totally drunk," Eve says, "What the hell, Annalise." Annalise notes that she sounds a bit worried actually. That surprises her. What's to be worried about? Eve knows she can handle her alcohol, they used to drink together at Harvard and Annalise was always the one taking care of lightweight Eve.

"I'm fine. W-why did you call?" Despite Annalise's efforts, her speech is getting more and more incoherent and she's struggling to regain control of her tongue. Eve hears this. She doesn't feel that leaving Annalise alone and drunk in her house is a good idea. So she makes a decision.

"I'm coming over to check on you," she says decisively, hopping up from her seat on her bed.

"Don't do that. You don't need to come down here," Annalise argues, but there's a click and she knows Eve is already on her way. She groans and drops her phone on the couch before stumbling back to the kitchen to find another snack. How ironic. She drank to forget Eve, and in an a little over an hour she'll be at the door.

Eve doesn't know why she does things like this. She's currently on the train, on her way to see Annalise. She doesn't know why she cares so much. Annalise obviously doesn't care about her. But here she is anyway. She's a fool. She picks at a loose thread in her coat and hopes that she's coming all this way for a reason.

She's in Philadelphia in an hour and half. She knocks, hard, in case Annalise is passed out somewhere. She used to have a high tolerance level for alcohol, and so to sound the way she did on the phone, she must have drank an awful lot.

Annalise is dozing on the couch when Eve knocks. She jumps when she hears the pounding.

"Annalise, it's Eve. Open the door," she hears. Annalise grumbles. Her mouth tastes like stale cookies. She gets up with some effort and makes her way to the door. After a couple of tries, she opens it, coming face to face with a concerned Eve, who steps in, almost knocking Annalise over.

"Why are you here?" asks Annalise in a grumbly tone after regaining her balance.

"Why are you drunk?" Eve asks, answering a question with a question - something she knows Annalise hates. She looks around the room and sees an almost empty bottle of vodka, cookies, and an untouched bag of chips. It was if she had planned to snack, but picked alcohol instead. She turned to look back at Annalise and noticed that she was wearing a very tight navy blue dress. Eve found herself wondering where she'd gone today and who else had gotten to see her body. She snaps herself away from her thoughts as Annalise tries to answer her question.

"Because of you," she murmurs, looking up at Eve. "That's why you need to go." She tries to step in towards her, but she stumbles and almost falls. Eve moves quickly though and catches her elbow to steady her. Annalise yanks away and leans against a wall, ensuring that she stays upright. "Don't _touch_ me."

Eve is surprised by the malice in her voice. Annalise sounds so upset, it only worries Eve more.

"What do you mean, because of me?" she asks, trying to keep her voice level. Annalise snorts and starts to shuffle across the room to the couch.

"I have to drink because of you," she slurs. "Sober, I think about you too much. I can't sleep. You're in every one of my damn dreams. Haunting me." Eve is watching her, confused, so she continues. Alcohol effectively tears downs her carefully built walls in a way Eve never could. "But after drinking..." she smiles, leaning down carefully to pick up the bottle and snacks she'd left. "I'm out like a baby."  
"I don't understand why thinking about me is so bad," Eve says, following Annalise as she walks as carefully as she can into the kitchen and sets everything on the table.

"Of course you don't understand," she says unclearly , closing the container of cookies. Eve notices her shaking hands. "You don't understand anything about me, because if you did you would leave. If you _really_ knew me, you wouldn't ever say you loved me."

"Annalise that isn't true," says Eve. Her voice is gentle, but Annalise still seems angry.

"Yes it is. It is true," she say, messily sniffing. She pauses, and looks up and Eve sees that her eyes are watery. "I am a horrible person." Eve shakes her head quickly and tries to reach for Annalise, but she steps back again. "That's why I can't love you. Because you'd never love me back." Eve's heart wrenches here, because it sounds like Annalise is trying to say that she wants to love Eve. Her mother always told her people were the most honest after you got some liquor in their system.

"I love you," Eve answers, shaking her head in disagreement. "I'd love you no matter what."

"No you wouldn't, you're lying," Annalise says. She tries to move away, but Eve catches her arm and holds on. Annalise tries to pull away but she doesn't let her this time. "Stop!"

"Annalise just relax," Eve pleads, pulling Annalise in so close she can smell the alcohol on her breath. "Stop fighting me, you know why I'm here." Annalise pauses after that sentence and looks up at Eve.

"Do I?" she asks. Her brain function has slowed tremendously, but she thinks she knows what Eve is asking for. "For this?" She runs her hands down until they brush Eve's backside. Eve's eyes widen immediately.

"No, that's not what I meant," she says, loosening her grip on Annalise. She couldn't imagine taking advantage of Annalise in her current state. "You're drunk, you're not thinking clearly."

"I think I'm thinking very clearly," Annalise says in slurred words before leaning in and messily pressing her lips against Eve's as firmly as she can in her current state. Eve backs up quickly, shaking her head, but Annalise doesn't pull back until she feels her stomach flip. Then she yanks herself back and covers her mouth with one hand.  
"Annalise?" asks Eve, watching as her face wrinkles. Then Annalise moves away quickly, staggering to the hall bathroom as fast as she can. When she's there, she kneels down and flips the toilet lid up and promptly throws up.

Eve hears this and wipes her face with a small sigh before following Annalise and knocking on the bathroom door.

"Annalise, I'm coming in," she warns. Another retching noise, then a cough.

"I'm fine," Annalise struggles to say, chest heaving. Eve starts to open the door anyway, and she tries to stop it. "Go home!"

Eve frowns and starts to reply, but then she hears Annalise vomiting again.

"No," she says softly, before opening the door and stepping in the bathroom next to Annalise. She kneels down next to her, and rubs her back gently, although she's careful to breath through her mouth. As Annalise wretches again, Eve moves Annalise's hair out of her face.

This cycle continues a few times until Annalise's stomach is empty. Eve notices that she's seemed to sober up. She reaches up and flushes the toilet before standing and offering a hand to Annalise, who's staring at the tiles on the bathroom floor.

"Annalise, c'mon, let's get you in bed," she says gently. Annalise takes her hand slowly, but she seems tired and out of it.

"Did I say anything too hurtful?" she asks slowly, carefully forming each word, as they leave the bathroom. Eve shakes her head and wraps an arm around Annalise's waist to help her up the stairs.

"No, not really," Eve says as they slowly walk up. She knows things are fuzzy for Annalise, so she decides she'll just let her rest and see what happens in the morning.

When they get to the steps, Eve tries to lead Annalise to the bed, but she shakes her head.

"I need to brush my teeth," she says, pulling out of Eve's arms. Eve nods a bit.

"Right. I'll get you some water."

She steps out of the room and heads downstairs. She immediately regrets her decision to leave Annalise alone and pours a glass of water quickly before heading back upstairs. Annalise has finished brushing her teeth and is wiggling out of her dress. Eve catches her breath and her cheeks flush as she steps in the room and sets down Annalise's water.

"Help me out of this," mutters Annalise, who can't fully unzip. Eve steps in and drags the zipper all the way down so that Annalise's dress drops to the ground and she's standing in front of Eve in a bra and panties. Eve picks up the dress and hangs it over a chair in the corner, then she pulls the covers on the bed back and helps Annalise lay on her side.

"Do you feel okay?" she asks.

"Cold," Annalise answers softly. Eve pulls the covers up and tucks Annalise in carefully.

"Your hair," she murmurs.

"Will be fine," Annalise answers tiredly, resting her head on her elbow. Eve nods and brushes a bit of hair out of Annalise's face before leaning down and kissing her forehead. It makes Annalise feel warmer than her sheets ever have.

"I'm going to stay," Eve says softly. She's honestly too worried to leave Annalise alone.

"I'm not going to stop you," Annalise says, letting her eyes close. Eve moves to the other side of the bed and kicks off her shoes before she lays on her back. She's not close enough to touch Annalise, but she's close enough.

It takes her awhile to fall asleep, because every 10 minutes she nudges Annalise to make sure she's still conscious. Eventually, every time she pokes Annalise, she gets a sleepy "Alive," as an answer.

Eventually, she just curls up to Annalise and falls asleep.

"Alive," mutters Annalise. But Eve doesn't move away. Instead, her answer is a light snore.

Eve jolts awake to the loud voice of Stevie Wonder playing off of her phone - her choice of song for her daily alarm.

"Shut it _off_ ," groans Annalise. Eve sighs and brushes her hair out of her face. She sits up and gropes for her phone in the dark. It's only 5 o'clock, and the sun hasn't risen. She sets her alarm so early so she can take her time and be in her office by 7, but now she doesn't even know if she should work today. She clicks the alarm off and yawns, letting her phone drop. She needs more sleep. She got off of work yesterday at 10, went home and got ready for bed and called Annalise after 11. By the time she got her, it was nearly 1 in the morning, then she didn't even get to fall asleep until what, 2:30? She can almost feel the dark circles forming under her eyes.

"Annalise," she whispers. Annalise responds with a groan. Eve reaches over and shakes her thigh lightly.

" _What_?" Annalise says harshly, opening her eyes. Her head is pounding. She doesn't remember much of last night, but she remembers Eve rubbing her back and helping her to bed. She has no reason to be mean to her. But she had been trying to avoid Eve, and of course she had to show up and be thoughtful and Annalise was infuriated by that. Did Eve _ever_ take a break from being such a perfect person? Annalise almost wants to let down her walls, and accept the gentle way she's being treated but she knows that Eve couldn't possibly understand how she's been feeling lately. Eve is a bit taken aback by Annalise's harsh tone, but she doesn't let it phase her too much, she knows she must feel awful.

"How do you feel?" she asks gently, rubbing her thumb gently over Annalise's shoulder. The touch warms her body immediately and she has to pull away to clear her thoughts.

"I have a headache," Annalise answers sarcastically. Her back is to Eve. She refuses to look at her and melt under those eyes.

"Do you want some medicine or some more water?" Eve asks, her voice impossibly gentle. Annalise rolls her eyes, although her mouth feels like bed of sand. A few aspirin also couldn't hurt.

"I just want to sleep," she mutters.

"I'm going to need to leave soon," Eve says, playing with Annalise's impossibly soft sheets. She's almost holding her breath. She wants Annalise to tell her to stay. She wants her to need her. She wants to matter.

"So leave," Annalise says. Eve bites her lip. She's been swallowing her hurt for so long, she's almost ready to burst.

"I need to talk to you first," Eve says. Annalise hears her struggling to get those words out, and for a second she thinks she's crying. Her heart wrenches and she turns on her side, looking at Eve for the first time that morning. Her eyes are watery, although she seems to be fighting her emotions. Annalise's face softens a bit, and she touches Eve's hand gently.

"Get some sleep," she whispers. "We can talk later."

"But your students-" Eve starts. Annalise groans, covering her face. She had almost forgotten about them.

"I can cancel today," she offers, more as an option for herself than Eve.

"Don't be unreasonable," Eve says, touching Annalise's face lightly. "I know you're busy. Maybe you can just take a pain pill and face the music. I know you can. Remember the first day of our first exam week?" She smiles softly and Annalise does too against her will, remembering their bad decision to let loose and party the night before the hardest test they'd ever taken at that point in their lives. Eve had been the one to pull Annalise out of bed and get her to the exam, and coached her on the way there. She'd also somehow managed to get an A- on the test, while Annalise received a solid B. Eve has always been smart. Driven, too.

"I remember. I don't want to relive."

Eve giggles softly. Annalise loves the sound. It's a shame how quickly she can fall back under Eve's spell. She has no idea Eve feels the same way, if not worse.

"You can do it," she says softly, a small smile playing along her lips.

"Does that mean I'd have to get up now?" asks Annalise in an almost childlike manner. Eve's smile widens and she nudges her.

"Yes, sleepyhead. Maybe you should have thought before you drank," she says. Her words remind her of what exactly Annalise said last night. Her smile fades a bit and she looks away from Annalise's gaze. "But before we start getting ready, can we talk?"

"Well if I have to go to my 8 am class, I don't think we have the time," answers Annalise.

"8 am?" Eve asks incredulously. "I just need 10 minutes."

"I only have 5."

"7."

"5 and a half," answers Annalise firmly. "I have to shower, and get ready, then go over my lesson plans..." In reality, she probably could hold off on that. She doesn't normally wake up until 6. But her head still hurts and she doesn't want to accept any of Eve's help. She's already opened up more than she had planned to.

"Then we'll talk in the shower," answers Eve, raising her eyes and looking at Annalise, who scoffs a bit. It turns into a chuckle. She knows Annalise is trying to get rid of her, but she has to find out about last night. She just has to.

"What, are you going to yell to me from the bed as I shower?"

"No, I'm going to shower with you," Eve answers simply, looking away as she gets up.

"No," Annalise answers, screwing up her face a bit. She has to admit, the thought excites her.

"Well, if that's the only way I can fit talking into your schedule..." Eve says, pulling off her sweater to reveal a lacy bra. She looks up and sees Annalise's expression. "Come on, we're both mature adults. And it's not like you have anything I haven't seen before." There's a bit of flirt in her voice and Annalise catches it. It only succeeds in making her more confused. She pauses and thinks. Her head feels like it's rattling, and she tries to ignore it.

"Fine."

Annalie follows Eve into the bathroom. They both strip down, and Annalise turns the water on to cold to wake her up, before removing her wig and stepping inside. Eve doesn't even bat an eye before stepping in after her. When she feels the cold water hit her skin though, she almost screams.

"No," she says. "Oh no, Annalise." She shuffles past her to the water handle, and turns it to get the water lukewarm. As soon as the temperature rises a bit, she relaxes.

"And I thought this was my shower," Annalise says, grabbing the body wash. She pours a small amount onto a loofah before passing the container to Eve, who likes to just use her hands. Annalise found it odd at first, but she's gotten used to it.

"What do you remember about last night?" she asks, changing the subject. Annalise shrugs and tries to reach a spot in her mid back. "Let me get that," Eve offers, before gently rubbing some of the soap in her hands into Annalise's back. She almost massages her, getting Annalise to actually relax a lot.

"Um, not much. Throwing up. Going to bed. You poking me a lot," she answers.

"You want to hear what happened?"

"Not really, but I'm guessing you're going to tell me."

Eve chuckles a bit before removing her hands from Annalise's body. The contact is immediately missed by Annalise.

"I called you last night, and you answered the phone drunk. I came to check on you, but you didn't want me here. You told me you drank because of me. You said you thought about me otherwise," Eve begins as she washes her body. Annalise's cheeks flush. She can very much imagine herself saying these things. "Then, you told me there was no way I'd love you if I knew all the horrible things you've done. What I want to know is what horrible things you've done exactly. Who have you ruined? And what event did you participate that actually caused you to think I wouldn't be able to love you?"

"I don't know," answers Annalise. Her back is to Eve and she doesn't plan on turning. "I don't know what I was saying."

"Drunk people don't lie, Annalise."

"Well maybe I'm the exception." Eve won't accept this, Annalise knows it.

"Why don't you believe that I love you?" Eve asks.

"I don't know," Annalise stresses, feeling worse by the second.

"But you don't believe that," says Eve.

"Believe what?"

"That I love you."

"No," says Annalise reflexively. "I mean- I don't know."  
" _Why not,_ " stresses Eve, pressing Annalise.

"I don't-"

"Why _**not**_."

"I'm telling you I don't -"

"Why not, Annalise!"

"Because it's not true!"

"Yes it is," Eve tries, her voice soft. But Annalise's head is pounding again and she has had enough. "What about you, do you love me?"

Annalise sighs heavily, rubbing her eyes.

"I don't know."

"You know what I think? I think you believe me, but you don't love me back. So you make excuses for yourself."

"That's absurd," Annalise says immediately.

"No, really. Like here we are, and you won't even look at me. What is it? Are you just not attracted to me anymore? Would you rather be with Nate, or some other guy? Did you just never love me?" Eve's voice cracks. Annalise whirls to face her.

"That is not the problem."

"Then what is it, Annalise? You know I love you. You know I would no matter what and you just continue to push me away and treat me like shit, and I can't take it anymore without understanding _why._ "

"That is **not** true. You say that you love me, but you don't understand what you're getting into. You don't know me anymore. You don't know the things I've been a part of. The things that I caused to happen. You keep referring to Harvard and how I was back then, but I'm not the same anymore, I'm _worse_.

I ruin things. I do horrible things. The things that happened to Sam, Rebecca, my students, Bonnie, they're all my fault. People have died. My career is currently based off of my ability to put back the pieces of things that I _wrecked_. I'm _awful_! And I guess I always have been. I've never been a good person, deep down inside and maybe that's just me. But there is no way someone like you could love that person. Not with your big heart and your big brain and your cheekbones and sweet words. You have _so many options._ You'd _never_ choose me. Not if you understood." Annalise's breathing is heavy and she's angry and shaking like a leaf in front of Eve, who's watching her carefully. Her face is soft and understanding. Annalise should have known.

"Annalise," Eve says softly.

"No," Annalise says, shaking her head. She looks down at floor, the water going down the drain. Their feet, impossibly close. Eve reaches over and takes Annalise's hand. She squeezes it.

" _Annalise_ ," Eve says. Annalise looks up. She's crying. Eve exhales softly; she hates to see Annalise like this. She hates to hear that she thinks all those things about herself. She wants to be her savior. She wants to be the one Annalise trusts and talks to. She wants to fix her.

So she raises both of her hands to Annalise's smooth, wet cheeks and rubs them gently, watching the eyes of the woman she knew she'd always love. Then she pulls her in and kisses her slowly, fully, covering Annalise's mouth completely with her own. Annalise is crying too hard to respond, she just wraps her arms around Eve. Eve pulls back and presses her lips to Annalise's forehead, letting her hug her.

"Oh, Annie," she whispers softly. "It's going to be okay."

"You still don't understand," Annalise answers through tears. Her voice is shaky, unlike her normal commanding tone.

"Make me understand," whispers Eve. "Talk to me, tell me everything. And I'll stay right here with you. I'm not going to leave you because of anything you've done. I don't know if anything could change my feelings."

"I can't."

Eve wrinkles up her face.

"What do you mean you can't?"

Annalise doesn't answer immediately. Instead she moves under the water and rinses off before stepping away and looking at Eve. Eve follows suit, and as soon as all the soap is removed from her body, Annalise turns the water off and leaves the shower, Eve trailing after.

"Annalise," Eve says, pleadingly. Annalise just hands her a white fluffy towel before wrapping herself in one and standing at the mirror.

"I can't just tell you everything," she says, a bit calmer now that's she's had the chance to say what was on her mind. "There are people I'm protecting, secrets to be kept. I'm not just liable for me anymore. I can't just pour my heart out to you and risk everyone else's safety." She says this before grabbing her toothbrush and handing a spare to Eve, who hastily wraps up in her towel and takes the toothbrush.

"You can trust me, Annalise. You know that." Annalise smiles and shakes her head, adding toothpaste to her toothbrush before starting to clean her teeth.

"That's not what it's about," she says after spitting. Eve follow the same steps as Annalise and places her toothbrush down after finishing.

"Yes it is," Eve answers.

"It's not," says Annalise, taking her wig out of the bathroom to her vanity in the bedroom. Eve follows and sits on the bed.

"That doesn't make sense though. You can't say I don't love you, but then not tell me why."

"Well since when do _we_ 'make sense'," says Annalise. She places her wig on before dropping her towel. Eve smiles, but then looks away bashfully. Annalise notices and raises an eyebrow.

"We don't. But in this case, if we don't make sense, there isn't a we." Eve says. Annalise is applying lotion to her skin. Eve bites her lip and looks down at her hands.

"Maybe that's for the better," Annalise states. Eve's heart sinks. Annalise seems set on giving up on her. On them.

"It can't be," Eve says decisively. "Last night, you said something. You said that you can't love me, because I wouldn't love you back." Annalise freezes for a second before continuing her movements. "Does that mean that you want to love me, Annalise?"

"You have so many questions," Annalise says, going into her closet. "Shouldn't you be getting dressed?"

Eve stands up and removes her towel, leaving it on the bed as she retrieves her clothes from their place near the bathroom door. She starts to redress.

"That's not an answer."

"You want answers that I don't have. How do you know that you want to love a person?" asks Annalise. "Why are you asking these now? When I'm all hungover and cranky you decide that you want to get answers."

"Because I love you even like this," Eve says, exasperated. She's now fully dressed. "Even when you're mean. Even when you're annoyed. You don't understand. I go home, and it doesn't feel like home anymore. I want you with me, and you don't even take my calls."

"I've been busy."

"No, Annalise," says Eve, pursing her lips. "I miss you. I miss laughing. I miss talking. I miss talking, your touch. I miss sex." She laughs softly, looking up from the floor at Annalise with her head cocked to the side. She's cute. Annalise has to look away.

"You can have sex with other people," she says. Eve scoffs, like it's a joke.

"I wouldn't want to. I mean, they aren't you," she says, smiling to herself. Then something pops into her head, and her smile fades. "Do you have sex with other people?"

Annalise doesn't answer,she just looks at Eve. She watches Eve crumble.

"Oh," Eve says, looking down. " _Oh._ Of course. I mean, that makes sense. It's not like..or anything." She's mumbling, looking around, anywhere but at Annalise.

"You should probably get back," Annalise says. Her voice holds no emotion, but she feels oh so guilty. She hasn't technically slept with anyone besides Eve, but she knows she would have slept with Nate and she doesn't want to explain that.

"Yeah," Eve says. "I should go."

"Bye," says Annalise, sitting down at her vanity. She looks at Eve indirectly through the mirror. She looks destroyed.

"Bye," she mumbles back, before leaving that room. She tries her best to keep her head held high. She grabs her purse from its place and leaves the house, letting the door shut firmly behind her. But as soon as she gets in the car, she clutches the steering wheel a large sob explodes from her and racks her whole body. Before she knows it, she's hysterical, crying all over her car, a weighed down, pile of bones.

She does not know how to live without Annalise.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: This chapter is late, I know, and I'm so so sorry, but it was tough to write! Hopefully, the length makes up for it without being too long. I hope you guys love it, it's my favorite chapter so far. My favorite is the tub scene (spoiler alert). TRIGGER WARNING as well, mentions of suicide and depression.**_

 ** _Also, thanks so much for the reviews, I love them. If you read, please tell me what you think, it means the world to me and helps me stay motivated. Shoutout to_** ** _Xenite_** _**for reviewing every chapter! Okay, that's all. Read on. :)**_

Annalise can not remember a time she has felt worse.

She has thought about killing herself before. She had said the words out loud for the first time in her life to Nia in that cold hospital room. Saying them made her feel exposed; naked almost. To make matters worse, she's been thinking about it ever since she brought it up.

She feels so bad because she had considered doing what Nia asked. She'd considered aiding her in her assisted suicide because she'd almost been able to convince herself that it was okay. That it was the right thing to do. She would be doing something moral, something good.

After Frank had given her those pills, she spent hours turning the bottle over and over in her palm. She'd thought she would do it. She'd walk into that hospital room and set them down and leave without looking back. But then, a thought popped up in her head and she couldn't get it out.

"And just when did you become God?" asked her conscious, in a voice oddly similar to that of her mother.

When did she get put in charge of giving and taking away life? When did everyone's future get placed in her utterly incapable hands? It wasn't her job to decide who in the world got to live, but here she was, sitting at her desk contemplating the life of someone she didn't know and had already hurt. Deciding the quality of _her_ life and whether she needed to live. Like some kind of all-powerful being.

That decision was not hers to make.

She was not a god. Not that she had believed in one for a long time. She knew that if there was one though, it wasn't someone like her.

So she went to the hospital and turned Nia down. She listened to her words and came back home feeling destroyed and instead of free.

She closed the door behind her and dropped her bag, the orange pill bottle secured firmly in her hand and marched upstairs to her bathroom, and flipped open the toilet lid before unscrewing the bottle. White pills stared back at her. Taunting her.

She wasn't in charge of Nia's life, but wasn't she in charge of her own?

She could take the pills.

No one would miss her much.

Not with all the things she had done. All the things she'd ruined. She was not a good person. She barely had a conscious. Nia knew that. That was why she'd asked this favor. Why she had thought that Annalise had killed Sam.

But wouldn't it be something if Annalise turned the tables and took these pills herself? Now _that_ would prove something. Make Nia feel like she had.

If there was a God, maybe there was a heaven. Maybe there was a hell.

Annalise hoped not. She knew where she'd be headed.

She stares at the pills.

The pills stare back at her.

Her vision is blurry. She wipes at her eyes to find that she's crying. Of course. She spends all day holding so much inside that the smallest problem will break her if she's alone. She wishes almost, that she could just stop it all. She wanted to stop the covering up and the murders and the protecting and the lying and the harshness and all the bad that's she's done and the answer to getting rid of all those things is in her hands.

Maybe she is God.

She shakes a pill out into her hand. Looks at it. Thinks about all the bad. Raises her hand.

But then, there's another voice in her head.

"Part of me is still in love with you."

Eve.

God, beautiful Eve. Amazing, perfect, loving Eve. She's the one able to hold onto Annalise and make her feel like life is worth living, cliche as it is. When she's there, Annalise doesn't feel quite so evil.

Eve loves her, she knows that. Annalise hadn't admitted it, but she'd believed Eve eventually. She wanted it to be true, anyways.

When Nia asked if Annalise loved Nate, she couldn't say yes, because there was Eve.

She needed her. She needed her right now, to bring her out of the dark place she was regressing to and to make her feel whole again.

She had chased her away, but she was going to have to get her back. It was Eve or the pills.

The pills didn't hold any mystery. She knew the outcome. Maybe she needed a bit of stability.

She looks at them one more time, pours them all out into her hand and dumps them into the toilet before flushing. The gurgle of the toilet echoes in her ears and bounces around her head. Her face remains blank but a shiver runs down her back and she tosses the pill bottle in the trash and leaving the bathroom.

She goes to her closet. Grabs her coat. Heads out of her room, then out of her house. She has a visit to make. Hopefully, she'll come back feeling like she made the right decision.

Eve wakes up in a strange bed.

It smells like burnt out candles and artificial sweetness in the air. Her mouth is dry, her clothes are off.

There's a woman next to her. Her hair is blonde and cut into a short pixie. She's sound asleep. Eve moves out of the bed carefully, so not to disturb her. She collects her clothes and redresses, before picking up her wallet and leaving; as quiet as a thief in the night.

When she's outside, the cool air hits her face and she feels like she can breathe again. She walks a bit until she reaches a main street and flags down a cab before climbing inside. After giving the driver her address, she slumps back on the cracked leather seat and watches as shapes and light fly by outside her window.

She hasn't talked to Annalise since she'd gotten herself all drunk. Instead, she has been sleeping with a different woman every night. Every single night

She's tired. Unfulfilled. No one has what she's looking for, because she's looking for Annalise. After sex with every person, she lays next to them contemplating the differences between them and the woman she loves. They always fall short. A lot of the women are nice. Sweet, kind, beautiful even but they aren't _her_. No one can take her place, no matter how many times she hurts Eve. She wants her. She needs her to move, to breathe. The buildings outside her window fly past.

Her vision is blurry. She wipes at her eyes to find that she's crying.

Why does Annalise make her feel like this? How does she do this to her? She has to let her go. She can't spend the rest of her life loving someone who doesn't love her. She's spent too much time doing that already, and she'd almost convinced herself that it was different now; that things had changed. But things were exactly the same. She was desperately and completely in love, but Annalise didn't love her back. At least she was reliable.

The cab stops. She's home. Or as close to home as she can be. She wipes her face and hands a few bills to the driver before stepping out of the cab and into her building. She takes the stairs up to her apartment, trying to give herself time to think but all she can focus on are how sore her legs are. She is so physically exhausted that she feels ready to drop, and yet she knows she won't be able to sleep.

She's a prisoner, trapped in her own sadness.

She gets to her floor and steps out of the stairwell into her hallway. She squints. There's someone next to her door, sitting on the floor. Her heart rate quickens with every step. It couldn't be - but it is. Annalise.

She doesn't look like herself. She isn't crying, but her eyes are glazed. She looks...removed. Almost dead. Eve almost feels scared before she remembers what Annalise does and she puts on a mask of contempt. Or she tries to at least.

"Why are you here?" she says, flicking her eyes over Annalise, who looks up as Eve pulls out her key and slides it in her keyhole.

"I came to see you," Annalise says. Her voice is cracked. She's so out of character, Eve barely feels that she's talking to the same person. She's worried. There's no way to hide it. She thinks for a second and holds out a hand to Annalise, who takes it, and pulls her up.

As Annalise stands, she gets close enough to study Eve. She runs her eyes up her. Her clothes are hastily put on and rumpled. Her hair a mess, and her neck spotted a red bruise. It was also 2 in the morning, and Annalise had been waiting for close to an hour. Eve had come from having sex, that was obvious. Instead of having a happy glow, she wore the air like a burial shroud. Annalise's confidence plummets. She knew she didn't have a reason to be upset. Eve wasn't hers. But she still felt betrayed. She shoves her feelings down as Eve speaks up.

"I wasn't expecting you," she says plainly. She just seems to realize that she's still holding Annalise's hand and she jerks her hand back like she'd been burnt.

"I see," answers Annalise. She's upset. Eve hears it. And she knows why. "Can I come in?"

Eve doesn't answer, but leaves the door open behind her after she steps inside. Annalise follows her and closes the door and locks it as Eve turns on a few lights and steps into the kitchen.

"Want a drink?"

Annalise looks at her warily from across the kitchen island. She can't tell if she's being teased or not.

"No thank you," she says. She looks at the ground. Eve pours herself a glass of scotch and looks back at Annalise before taking a sip from her tumbler.

"What are you here?" she repeats. Annalise looks up, looking Eve in the eye for the first time that night.

"I needed to see you," she answers. Her shoulders sag. Eve wants to go to her. She wants to hold her, ask her what's weighing her down. But she's too angry and all too aware of her own problems.

"Why?" asks Eve.  
"I wasn't feeling well," Annalise answers, her voice straining. That's an understatement. Tears collect in her eyes and threaten to fall. "I wanted to be near you. I want to talk." What she wants is to be held. She wants to be reassured. She's honestly so close to falling apart that she's ready to collapse. She doesn't know what's happening to her, but it's a happened a few times before. Like depression, but it only strikes occasionally.

"Talk about what?" Eve asks. Her voice has softened. She's watching Annalise break down. She's quiet, she doesn't look up. Tears slide down her face and stain her cheeks. "Annalise." Her voice is commanding, afraid.

"I, um," she starts. Her voice is cracking, her tears are flowing freely now. She wants to explain but she can't. She can't utter the truth again, to be judged like she had by Nia. She licks her lips. "I just need to be with you. I want to be with you, officially you know? So I can come here and not have to explain myself every time I crave your touch." It was true, and it was all Annalise could do to muster that before she looked back and sat down on the couch. Eve steps out of the kitchen, leaving her drink.

"What?" she asks with unmasked shock. That was not at all what she had planned on hearing.

"I want you," Annalise says, looking up, teary. Eve's walls are beginning to fall. "I need you. Can't we just be together?"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Eve hears herself say. It's a last ditch attempt to protect herself, and her heart. Annalise looks up, eyebrows furrowed.

"It is," she argues. "When did you decide that it wasn't?"

"I didn't," answers Eve. " _You_ decided the last time we saw each other."

"I didn't mean it," Annalise tries. "I was afraid."

"Of course you didn't mean it," Eve says sarcastically. "But now, you're just not afraid?"

"I am. But I'm more afraid of living without you." Annalise is trying, really trying. She feels so unsatisfied, so over everything. She doesn't know what she's going to do if Eve turns her down. She doesn't know how to be alone now. She's not strong enough to keep living on her own.

"Maybe you don't mean that," Eve says softly.

"I do," Annalise says, desperate. "I don't understand...I mean...Don't you still love me?" Eve looks away.

"You hurt me last time Annalise, I can't just _keep_ getting my heart broken by you-"

"Do you still love me? Didn't you say you would no matter what? Over and over again?"

" _Of course_ I still love you," Eve says, meeting Annalise's eyes. "Of course but-"

"I think I love you too," Annalise whispers. Eve freezes. She thinks almost that she imagined it.

"What?" she says for the second time that night. Annalise shakes her head and rubs her face. She's ready to just forget about to night. Ready to forget it and leave. Eve rushes over to her and sits down before pulling Annalise's hands away from her eyes gently. "What did you say. Annie?'

"I love you too," she mutters. She eventually meets Eve's eyes. It feels like a boulder has been lifted off of the middle of her chest. Eve sighs shakily. She wants to believe her. She wants to believe Annalise so badly.

"You can't just say that, you have to mean it," she warns, her hands shaking.

"I do," Annalise says. She's sure, or at least mostly. She's at least sure that she can't do anything on her own anymore. She needs Eve. Isn't that love? Eve exhales a bit shakily, nodding her head.

"Really?"

"Really."

Eve has wanted to hear those words for so long. It takes everything in her not to melt right then and there. She's not at all angry anymore, just wary.

"I don't know. I mean, are we supposed to make this work while you're still in Pennsylvania?"

Annalise looks up. Eve is considering it.

"For now, yes," she says. Eve looks a bit disappointed. "Only until the end of the school year, then I would come down here." Eve looks shocked at this, and Annalise feels a bit uncomfortable. "If your offer still stands. I could rent a place, I wouldn't have to necessarily stay here.." The tears on her cheeks are drying. She's gaining hope and subconsciously inching closer and closer to Eve. Their thighs are touching now.

"You know you'd stay here," Eve says dismissively. Annalise thinks she almost smiles. But then Eve pauses and purses her lips.

"We'd be seeing each other exclusively?"

"Yes, yes of course," Annalise answers, her head nodding. Eve stares into her eyes. She's skeptical. She has a right to be. She's been down this road before. "I need you to trust me."

"Trust you?" asks Eve. It doesn't make sense, after all they've been through. After all that's happened, Eve shouldn't trust her. She shouldn't want this as much as she does.

"Yes," Annalise says, holding Eve's gaze. She reaches over and squeezes Eve's hand.

Eve pauses for a minute.

"Okay."

Annalise's whole body relaxes.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"We can be together?"

"Yes."

"You love me?"

"Yes."

"Say it," eggs Annalise, leaning in so that they're impossibly close.

"I love you," whispers Eve.

"I love you too," she answers before crashing her lips against Eve's.

Then they're kissing. Annalise feels so relieved and so confused that she starts crying. She wants to be close, as close as she can. She wraps her arms around Eve's waist and Eve cradles her face. She can't get enough air, and she can't stop her crying. Tears are pouring down her face as fast as they can. Eve feels her hands get wet and she pulls back to ask Annalise what's wrong but then she lets out a large sob that she's been holding in all night. She's sobbing and gasping all at once, trying to breathe.

"I'm-" she tries, gasping. She quiet can't catch her breath, can't form words. "Fine." Another sob. She's falling apart. She's letting herself fall apart, because she knows Eve can help her put back the pieces.

Eve watches Annalise for a second, a bit shocked. She has never cried like this before, never showed Eve all of her completely, raw and unmasked. But Eve is glad she is now. It seems as if Annalise is finally done hiding herself. Eve had been honest; nothing could change her feelings. So now, she kisses Annalise's forehead and she pulls her into her chest and she lets her cry. She holds her and she lets her be human for once instead of that immovable statue she usually portrays herself as. She lets Annalise _cry_ until she's shaking and Eve's shirt is tear stained. Annalise is embarrassed, but she just doesn't seem to be able to stop. She's crying because she thinks she hates herself. She's crying because she doesn't know if she made the right decision leaving Nia in that hospital bed. She's crying for Rebecca, for Sam. For Wes and the rest of her students who are the only ones that she let's see the monster she really is. She's crying because because she doesn't want to be _her_ anymore, but she doesn't know how to change. She's crying because Eve is here, loving her anyways.

By the time Annalise finally calms down and catches her breath, she has a horrible headache. Eve is still holding her tightly, rubbing her back. She looks down as Annalise's eyes flutter. She knows she's tired.

"Are you ready to go to bed?" she asks softly.

Annalise nods and Eve stands up before pulling Annalise with her gently and tugging her towards the bedroom. When they get into the room, she helps Annalise out of her dress. She actually looks quite nice. Eve has always liked red on her. She can't help but press a gentle kiss to her shoulder before she unzips the dress on the side and Annalise shrugs out of it silently. Eve picks it up and heads to her closet, hanging it up on an empty hanger before stepping over to her dresser. She grabs two t-shirts, one for Annalise and one for her. She tosses Annalise hers and catches her eye. She can't help but smile softly. She knows that Annalise is hurting, but she'll do everything she can to make her feel better. She's just glad she finally has a chance.

Annalise puts on the shirt Eve gave her before unhooking her bra and sliding it off. The shirt is a faded navy Red Sox tee, soft and so long that the bottom brushes her thighs. She climbs into bed as Eve undresses and changes into a night shirt as well before slipping into bed next to Annalise and wrapping her arms around her so that they're as close as they can be. Their legs intertwine near the end of the bed, and Annalise can hear Eve's even breathing. They watch each other for a second.

"Get some sleep," Eve says gently. "You must be exhausted."

"Yes," Annalise murmurs quietly. She raises a hand to Eve's face and rubs her cheek. Her other hand is clutching the fabric of Eve's shirt, trying to bring her even closer. She looks at Eve for a second before she leans in and kisses her gently.

"Thank you," she says softly through kisses with growing demandingness. They kiss until they're almost making out, and Eve pulls back breathlessly, looking at Annalise. She swallows and offers a small smile. She knows where they could have ended up, and she doesn't think either one of them could handle that tonight.

"You're welcome," she says. "Now go to sleep." She says the last part in a playfully domineering tone and Annalise _almost_ smiles as Eve leans up and gives her a soft kiss on the top of her head.

She think she's not going to be able to sleep with all that's happened, but almost immediately after closing her eyes, she's gone. Eve stays awake for a few more minutes. She can finally relax. Finally, she's back at home in Annalise's arms where she belongs instead of in some stranger's. _Finally_ she'll be able to get some sleep.

All night, her hands don't leave Annalise's body.

Annalise wakes up before Eve for the first time she can remember. They sky is blue and orange outside her window and the room is flooded with golden light. She looks at Eve, who is lying on her back, hair surrounding her face like a crown. The light illuminates her hair and features. Annalise studies her face. She can almost imagine she's the same person she woke up in bed with all those years ago after a long party and lots of drinks. She has the same heart. Nice. Almost too nice. Forgiving, accepting. Full of much more love than Annalise deserved. Still, Eve gave it to her, and now she had finally taken it. It was ironic, how peaceful Annalise felt right now, contrasted with the chaos and utter depression she felt last night. She was embarrassed about the way she'd acted, maybe even disgusted, but she knew Eve and she knew that she wouldn't push Annalise to examine the way she'd acted. She got her in a way no one else ever had.

Annalise runs a hand down her cheek now, and Eve feels this and begins to stir. She opens her eyes to see Eve looking at her with a small smile.

"Hi," she whispers softly, voice a bit raspy.

"Hi," answers Annalise, almost bashfully.

Eve leans in and immediately pulls Annalise's face in and kisses her softly. She'd wanted to wake up like this for so long. No rush, no conversations about 'what they were'. She could just lay there and look at Annalise and let her love for her overflow because she was _hers_. The thought makes Eve smile as she pulls away. She looks at Annalise for a second before seeming to notice the tone of the room.

"What time is it?" she asks curiously. Annalise hadn't even stopped to think about that. She'd been so busy staring at Eve. She leans over and looks at Eve's clock.

"5:04 pm," she answers, surprised. Eve's eyes widen. She had been tired of course, but had she been _that_ tired? She thought about it now and realized she hadn't gotten more than 3 hours of sleep on any given night in the past week.

"You must have been tired," Annalise says softly. Eve raises an eyebrow, almost chuckling.

"Me? What about you?" she prods, playing with the hem of the shirt Annalise has on.

"Tired isn't the word," Annalise says. She's barely been sleeping as well. Too much on her mind, she guessed. It's at least easier than believing she couldn't sleep without Eve or just anyone holding her. Eve smiles a bit at her, understanding. Both of them know the cause for the other's 're quiet for a minute, studying each other again.

"You don't have to go back yet, right?" she asks, a bit nervous. Annalise shakes her head.

"I'm free the entire weekend," she answers. Eve's smile widens.

"Good," she answers, rubbing Annalise's shoulder. "then I have you to myself for another day." Annalise smiles at this and Eve is so glad to see it. "I want to take you so many places. It would be nice to show you my favorite spots."

"I didn't bring any clothes," states Annalise, just realizing it herself. She came here with a coat, her purse, and the clothes she was wearing last night.

"No clothes at all?" Eve says teasingly, the beginning of a smirk appearing on her face..

"I wasn't thinking straight," Annalise says, not noticing the flirt in Eve's voice until she leans over and kisses her neck softly. Then she laughs awkwardly and turns to look at Eve. She is no longer used to the hands-on affection Eve always gives. Eve watches her face and takes her discomfort as something else.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks quietly. Annalise knows what she's referring to and she absolutely does not. She doesn't even want to think about it. She's just started to believe that Eve can love her even if she's not a good person. If even she does bad things. But she doesn't know if she could handle her if she knew Annalise had actually been contemplating suicide.

"No," she says back, shaking her head slightly. Eve purses her lips and nods before changing the subject.

"Okay, well are you hungry?"

Annalise's stomach growls just as she opens her mouth to respond. She'd forgotten she hadn't eaten since breakfast yesterday. Eve hears this and laughs softly before Annalise's face and giving her another small kiss.

"Well then let's order some food."

They decided on Chinese.

Annalise sits across from Eve at her dinner table as she works on devouring a large shrimp fried rice. Eve is too busy smiling at her to eat, and so her own meal, beef lo mein, sits uneaten before her.

"I feel you staring," Annalise says, looking up. Eve shrugs, her grin still impossibly wide. Annalise can't help but smile back a bit.

"I'm just glad you're here," Eve says, picking up her chopsticks.

"What made you think I'd be able to stay away?" Annalise jokes, eating another forkful of rice. Eve's smile falters, and although she fixes it quickly, Annalise notices and she realizes what she's said.

"I didn't mean.." she starts. Eve just shakes her head.

"I know. It's okay."

Annalise bites her lip and looks back into her food. She had a habit of ruining good things and here it was again. She tries to change the subject.

"You're not eating, aren't you hungry?"

"You know me," says Eve, smiling weakly. "Can't eat when I'm excited or nervous." Annalise does know. Eve was a slim eater to begin with, but it something was on her mind, forget about it. She wouldn't be eating until she had calmed down.

"Is something bothering you?" asks Annalise cautiously. She doesn't want to assume the worst, but she can't help it.

"What? No," answers Eve, sounding shocked. "I'm just so glad you're here." The words sound a bit empty, even to her. She is glad, that's the truth. But she does have a question.

"I mean, I was just wondering," she starts. Annalise watches her. "Last night, you said a lot. I mean, did you mean all of it?"

Annalise's presses her lips together. She knows exactly what Eve is getting at. She's giving her an out, a chance to take something back. Did she love her? Annalise was almost positive that she did. She wanted to be here. She was sure of that, even if she didn't know the reasoning behind it.

"It's okay if you didn't," Eve says, taking Annalise's hesitation as a 'no', "I mean, sometimes when your emotions are running high.."

"I meant it," says Annalise, looking straight at Eve, a bit of her old confidence in her voice. "All of it." She sounds a lot surer than she feels. Why _did_ she come here? Really? She pushes her worries back into the corner of her mind, like she always does. Eve looks hopeful.

"Okay," she says, sounding a bit relieved. She begins to finally eat.

"Did you have any plans this weekend?" Annalise asks as she begins to feel full. She pushes back her food. "I know I just showed up, I should have called."

"Don't apologize," Eve says casually, shaking her head as she looks down into her food. "I wasn't planning on doing anything important."

"What about last night" Annalise asks, unable to help herself. "Were you _doing_ something important?"

Eve coughs on her food. She raises head to look at Annalise who is watching her expectantly. She actually begins to blush as she opens her mouth to explain herself. Annalise can't help but smirk.

"It wasn't serious," Eve begins. Annalise chuckles and she raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"You don't really have to explain yourself," Annalise says, chuckling. "It's none of my business who you sleep with." She pauses. "As long as you're not thinking about her now." She's smiling. Eve has to smile back.  
"No," she answers, taking another bite of food as she looks at Annalise. She's beautiful. Always has been. She looks at her like she loves her, and Annalise notices. Her chest feels tight. "Not about her."

Annalise smiles and looks down, playing with her hands. There Eve goes again. pulling her out of her reality and making her smile when she feels like she won't be able to. There's a comfortable silence. As Eve finishes eating. Annalise checks her phone. She has 3 missed calls and 8 texts all from Frank and Bonnie both asking where she is. She responds to Frank with a short "New York," and sets her phone down. Eve has eaten half of her food and is closing the container.

"So, what do you want to do for the rest of the night?" she asks, a pleasant smile still on her face. "We can both shower, or you can take a bath if you want, and then we can just watch a movie or something. Whatever you want." Annalise thinks for a second before deciding a bath sounds fantastic.

"Let's take a bath," she says decisively. Eve is suprised by the 'we' that Annalise is implying, but she won't be the one to argue.

"Alright."

In a few minutes, Annalise sits in rose scented water in Eve's gorgeous tub, with her head resting on Eve's chest. Her eyes are closed, her hands resting on Eve's thighs. Eve sits behind her, carefully undoing the small cornrows in Annalise hair. Annalise has washed her face clear of any make up, and she feels unbelievably vulnerable and self-conscious. It's easy to feel better about herself like this though, with Eve tending to her like she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She is a very carefully put together person, and yet, here Eve is undoing her, braid by braid.

"I love your hair," murmurs Eve, running a hand through the half of Annalise's hair that is already out. It's damp and her curls are tight, like miniscule springs. Annalise chuckles and since she's pressed against Eve, the vibrations rumble through both of their bodies.

"I love you," Annalise says. It's easier to say it like this. She's already so stripped down, what's one more layer removed really going to hurt? Saying it makes her smile. She feels light. Free. Her eyes are still closed, but she knows Eve is smiling too. She feels a kiss pressed to her shoulder before Eve starts on a new braid. She doesn't have to say the words back, they're floating in the air around them, Annalise can feel it.

"Have you been working out?" asks Eve later. She is wrapped up in a blanket, her head on Annalise's shoulder. The remains of their leftovers sit on the coffee table in front of them. Annalise has just decided to stretch her arm across Eve and rest a hand on her thigh, which had prompted Eve's question.

"What?" asks Annalise, who was focused on the TV. By now, she had relaxed fully. Her phone was off and she couldn't think of anywhere she'd rather be. She'd never felt as at home anyone's arms, not Sam's, not Nate's, as she did in Eve's. Currently, they were watching one of Annalise's favorite movies, which had been made after her favorite book: To Kill A Mockingbird. Eve liked it as well, but it wasn't her favorite (West Side Story anyone?) and so she wasn't nearly as paying as much attention to the screen as Annalise. How could she focus on some movie anyways, when everything she'd wanted had finally _finally_ come true and was currently lying right next to her?

"Your arms are pretty toned," she says, her tone playful. Annalise notices this and rolls her eyes, nudging Eve.

"Shh," Annalise says, eyes glued back to the screen. "This is my favorite scene." On screen, Atticus stands up in front of the courtroom. There's a shot of Jem and Scout looking on.

"You're my favorite," whispers Eve. Annalise looks at her. Eve smiles.

On the television, Atticus begins his courtroom plea that has become a historic quote. Annalise doesn't hear it though. She's too busy kissing Eve.

Naturally, they end up going to bed together. Eve is on top of Annalise, kissing her slowly, attentively. Annalise's lips trail down to Eve's neck and she opens her eyes to look at the fading purple-ish mark that Annalise recognized as a hickey. She pauses and traces over it with her index finger. Eve feels this and pulls back a bit. She covers the mark instinctively and looks at Annalise with apologetic eyes.

"You don't have to be sorry," Annalise says, shaking her head softly. Her mouth is straight but her eyes are playful, giving her away. "I just didn't know you liked it rough." Eve's mouth actually drops open after this and Annalise almost laughs. She uses Eve's surprise as an opportunity to flip them over so they're on top. She giggles a bit and presses her lips to Eve's hungrily before pulling back.

"I _don't_ ," Eve insists, raising her eyebrows. It's true. Well at least, it's not her number one persay. Although, she has to admit, the sudden shift of power Annalise had just initiated did turn her on a bit. Or maybe it was just Annalise period, still in another one of Eve's t shirts and nothing else. Probably a combination of both. "You _know_ what I like."

"Hm," Annalise says, chuckling softly as she helps Eve out of her sweatshirt. She kisses down her chest slowly, stopping at the places she knows Eve is the most sensitive. "Was she good?"

Eve sighs shakily as Annalise's warm hands run down her sides.

"Not particularly," she says, letting her eyes flutter shut for a second.

"Did she touch you here?"Annalise asks softly as she presses her lips to the dip in the center of Eve's collarbone.

"No." Her answer is breathy, yearning.

"Not here?" Annalise doesn't even both trying to hide her grin as she trails her mouth down and closes her lips over Eve's nipple. Eve's back arches. Annalise _knows_ what she's doing, and fuck, it's working.

"No," Eve repeats, slightly softer. Annalise doesn't say anything else, she just smiles and pulls back before pressing her lips down lower and lower until she reaches Eve's hips and she starts working on leaving hickies that only she can see.

On Sunday, they wake up early but don't leave bed until late. They have sex (how soon is Eve allowed to say make love?), and then shower together (of course), before Eve gets dressed and leaves to pick up some real food. Annalise looks in the mirror after she's gone, and feels a twinge of the depression she had Friday night but she pushes it away and leaves the bathroom to get ready. In a few minutes, she's dressed and ready to go, wig included, but Eve still isn't back. She decides to watch TV and wait, but as soon as she sits down on the couch, there's a knock on the door. She gets up to answer it, thinking Eve must have just left her key behind, but when she opens the door, that is not who it is.

Standing in front of Annalise instead of the tall brunette is a petite woman with jet-black hair and almond shaped eyes.

"Hi," the woman says, sounding just as confused as Annalise sounds. "Is Eve here?"

"She ran out," says Annalise, maybe a little more defensively than she has to. Still, she can't forget their joking last night about the girl Eve saw and Annalise has grudgingly realized that the woman at the door is unnecessarily pretty.

"Oh," she says, looking over Annalise's shoulder like she doesn't know if she quite believed her. "Um, and who are you exactly?" That does it for Annalise.

"Her girlfriend," she answers, before closing the door. After the fact, she realizes that maybe she was a little harsh, but she feels less than regretful. She returns to the couch and sits down, but instead of turning on the TV, she picks at her nails a bit. Will Eve be upset?

Soon enough, there's the wiggle of the key in the door lock and Eve steps in. She has a wide smile on her face and a bag full of food that fills the room with the smell of bacon. Annalise hops up to meet her.

"So, I have brunch from Sarabeth's," says Eve as she comes to the kitchen table and starts unpacking. She also grabs a couple of plates and sets one at Annalise's place and the other at hers. "Pancakes, and eggs, and bacon, and a side of homefries to share." Annalise steps up next to her just as she finishes and she quickly turns and cups her cheeks in that way that makes Annalise just _melt_ and kisses her deeply.

"You didn't have to get all this," Annalise states after they pull away and sit down. Eve slides a packet of plasticware at her before raising an eyebrow. "I mean, at least let me pay for half." Eve scoffs and shakes her head as she grabs a pancake and puts it on her plate, following it up with a couple of pieces of bacon. Annalise follows suit and loads her plate up with bacon and eggs.

"You'll get your chance to pay for something for me later down the road," says Eve, humorous as always. "Wait your turn." Annalise can't help but smile as she takes her first bite of food. She almost moans. It's delicious. Eve giggles.

"Someone came to see you," Annalise remembers to say after a few more bites. Eve's smile only widens.

"I know. I ran into her on my way in the building," Eve says after chewing and swallowing a large piece of pancake. "I heard you were pretty rude to her. Are you going to be this jealous of all my previous partners?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Annalise tries, although she does hate the fact that Eve says 'partners' so teasingly.

"Partner as in we used to work together in a firm," Eve says. Her smile is so wide Annalise wouldn't be surprised if her face cracked in half. "We're friends."

Annalise is embarrassed. She freezes, and Eve bursts into a good natured laughter. She almost chokes on a piece of bacon. Annalise picks up a home fry and throws it right at her smug face, but eventually, she ends up giggling too.

"I really am sorry," Annalise says, a bit sheepishly. Eve just shakes her head and continues eating.

"She wasn't mad," Eve says. "Just flattered that you felt threatened by her beauty."

"I did not!"

Eve is laughing again.

"Sure."

Annalise rolls her eyes and continues eating. By the time Eve's giggling calms down, she has tears in her eyes and Annalise is almost finished with her food.

"So," Eve says, smiling a bit more shyly now. Her soft tone makes Annalise look up. "Girlfriend, huh?"

Annalise begins to deny it, but she sees the way Eve is smiling at her and she decides to just let it be. So she concedes and just smiles sheepishly, which sends Eve's heart soaring. She is so happy. So so, fucking _happy_ ; she doesn't want to ever feel anything else.

After they finish eating, Annalise puts her coat on and gets her purse, and she stands at Eve's door and lets Eve caress her cheek once more.

"You'll be back?" Eve asks, a bit nervously. This weekend was so good. Perfect.

"Saturday morning, if not Friday night," promises Annalise, smiling. She wishes she could feel like she did when she was with Eve every day. Maybe when she left...

"I have something to give you," Eve says suddenly. She steps away just a bit and grabs her purse before rummaging around and fishing something out. She takes Annalise's hand and presses the object into her palm. It's a key.

"A key?" Annalise asks.

"To the condo," Eve says. She's kind of blushing. "I mean, I was going to wait, but I figured that all this girlfriend talk must mean we're getting pretty serious."

She giggles, and so does Annalise.

"I'll use it," Annalise says. Eve smiles. She leans in and they kiss again before she makes herself pull away and open the door for Annalise.

"Saturday morning," she says, a small smile on her face. She's going to miss Annalise until then.

"If not Friday night," says Annalise, leaning in and giving her one more quick kiss and stepping out into the hallway. Eve watches her head down the hallway, and onto the stairwell. After she's out of site, Eve closes and locks the door before letting out an almost-squeal.

Girlfriend!


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Okay first of all I am so, so sorry for the wait! This was a really hard chapter to write, because I went so far OC and I already have the next chapter planned. I was really happy to hear that you guys felt I stayed true to the characters, because that's what I worry the most about. In response to**_ _ **MoreThanISeem**_ _ **I have included the Keating 5 in this chapter. If you leave suggestions, I'll try my best to include them.**_

 _ **All of that being said, this chapter takes place after Annalise solves the Asher problem in episode 5, but before she takes her next case. It's mainly just a set up for the next chapter, but it also includes some insight into Annalise, which we all love. Hope you like it!**_

 _ **And also, sorry for any grammatical errors. I can't ever seem to finish a chapter before midnight.**_

Eve sat in her office on Friday night, itching to leave. It was a paperwork night; tedious and involved without actually working her brain. She hadn't talked to Annalise since last Sunday when she called to say she was home safely, but she been thinking about her ever since. Annalise made her _so_ happy, she just wanted to see her and cuddle up in bed and be happy without worrying about work or anything else. She glanced up from the papers she was holding to glance at her phone. Should she call now, or just wait for Annalise to call. She didn't want to seem too bothersome...

Her phone begins to ring as she starts to withdraw her hand. She snatches it up and answers it as soon as it rings.

"Hello?" she answers, almost too eagerly.

"Hi," answers Annalise. Hearing her voice makes Eve smile automatically, and it feels as if some of her stress rolls off her shoulders.

"Hi," Eve says. She pauses for a second. "I um, can't wait until you get down here. I should be done here within the hour. I want to take you to dinner, and then we could go dancing or something. You could bring back those moves you used to have." She chuckles at her own joke, but she hears Annalise sigh on the other end.

"I'm not going to be able to make it," she says. Eve shrugs, playing with her pen.

"That's fine, if you're swamped tonight, you can just come in the morning. We can have breakfast, look at a museum, whatever."

"No, I mean I don't think I'm going to be able to come at all." There's a long pause. A long, long pause. Eve's smile has dropped off of her face and shattered on the floor.

"Oh," Eve says, disappointment unmasked. She fiddles with her pen even more, shaking it until it mistakenly flies out of her hand and lands on the floor with an audible _tink_.

"I'm sorry, things are just a mess down here right now. I'll be there next weekend, for sure," Annalise says.

"Yeah, for sure," Eve answers, She'd never admit it, but her bottom lip is quivering.

"You aren't too disappointed, are you?"

"No, it's fine," she lies. "I mean, I have a lot of work that I should probably stop avoiding." This is a lie too. Annalise knows it, because Eve is a work, then play kind of person. In fact, this paper she was on was the last thing she needed to work on, and the only reason she hadn't done it yesterday was because one of her client's cases had just changed this morning.

"Alright, well I'll talk to you soon okay?"

"Okay," answers Eve softly. She wants to say I love you, and she almost does, but then Annalise hangs up, and so she has to set her phone down. She covers her face in exasperation, and then scoffs out loud to herself. After just one weekend together, Annalise was flaking on her. Figures.

Meanwhile, Annalise folds the last dress she plans on taking with her and places it into her duffel bag along with her makeup and a few other necessary things. She feels a bit guilty for letting Eve down on the phone, but she hopes to make it up to her when she cooks dinner tonight. She had considered not going, with all that was going on with Bonnie, and Asher, and Wes, and the Hapstalls, _but_ all day long she'd been thinking of nothing but Eve and how badly she wanted to be with her tonight. Eve was an escape, if only a temporary one but it was something she needed. Long term was too far ahead to think about, too many details, even though she'd said she would come to New York. It was too much too commit to. Eve was so much to commit to, but she was there and Annalise needed that. She told herself that it was okay, because she deserved some good. Last week she'd been ready to destroy herself and now she gained at least some hope in remembering there was _someone_ out there who loved her; even if no one else did, or ever had. So after she changed her mind about not going, she'd started packing and then she realized she be a bit later than she'd expected so she called Eve and told her that she wouldn't be making it both to surprise her, and to buy herself some time. Even if Annalise never liked surprises, Eve always had.

Now, she heads downstairs, her bag on her shoulder. Her students are in the living room, but maybe she can avoid them and get to the car before-

"Going somewhere?" asks Frank, appearing out of nowhere like he always does. Annalise's body jolts, like always. Frank notices. "Sorry. I'll get that." He takes the bag from Annalise and his eyebrows raise when he feels it's weight.  
"Yes," answers Annalise shortly, smoothing her black dress out as she attempts to head towards the door. She does not want to answer questions, she wants to leave.

"Where you headed, with all this stuff?"

"Out of town," Annalise answers, shooting him a look. Frank drops it, and let's her move past him, but not fast enough because Wes walks past and sees her. He looks at her, and then Frank, and then the bulky bag and Annalise can see the little gears in his head turning and reaching a conclusion that's very far off base.

"Are you leaving again?" he asks, not even attempting to be respectful. Annalise purses her lips. "Yes, I'll be back on Monday."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business, Mr. Gibbons," Annalise answers. Her tone makes it obvious that she's putting him in his place and Wes shuts his mouth and presses his lips together in a fine line. "You have a case to work on. And if you don't want to work on that, you can look at the case study I've assigned for your class to work on. You're a bit infamous for showing up unprepared." She looks him in the eye, and he knows she's referring to the first day of class, which is not fair, but it's effective in getting him to turn and walk back to the sitting room.

"C'mon," says Frank, opening the door for Annalise. They head outside, and to her car. He throws her bag in the back and shuts the door as she climbs in the driver's seat and starts the car. "I'll cover for you," he says before shutting her door and stepping back. Annalise gives him a small, grateful, smile before backing up and finally heading towards New York, and Eve.

* * *

Eve grits her teeth and slams the paper in her hand down. She's been reading the _same_ line, on the _same_ sheet for over 40 minutes and she cannot get her mind to process it. It's been almost 2 hours since she talked to Annalise, but she hasn't been able to think of anything else but her since. She knows she's busy, she gets it, but she wants her here this weekend. She wanted to be with her. She wanted to dance, and cuddle, and _fuck_. Oh god, she wanted to fuck all of their stress away, but now she was alone.

"Screw it," she mutters, collecting the papers on her desk and stacking them. There was no way she was going to be able to concentrate for the rest of the night. So she put the document she'd been working on in a file, and then put it away before standing and collecting her things. She was going to go out, and get a drink at a bar, and then she was going to go home and she was _not_ going to think about Annalise. Or at least she'd try her hardest.

* * *

Annalise had stopped at the market on the way to Eve's place and thankfully it wasn't as crowded as she'd expected it to be. She was currently waiting in line to checkout. Her basket was filled with the ingredients for an easy salmon dinner, and of course a bottle of wine. She was a bit nervous now that she was here. No matter how much time she spent with Eve, she still gave her butterflies. It was awfully annoying, and she wished they'd just go away. There was no reason to be afraid. They were just pretending to be a normal couple. Having dinner, and hopefully sex. But still, Annalise hoped she hadn't let Eve down too much when she said she wasn't coming. She checked her watch. 8:58. She also hoped Eve wasn't home just yet. It's dorky, but she crosses her fingers behind her back for just a second as she steps up in line and places her foods on the conveyor belt to pay.

* * *

Eve isn't really in the mood to drink. She doesn't realize this until she's already at a bar though, and she not really in the mood to go home either, so she orders a beer and nurses it, watching a football game on the TV screen that she doesn't really care about. Her phone is in front of her and she fiddles with it. It is Friday night. She could call some friends or something. But there's only one person she really wants to see. She bites her lip. She sounds pathetic, needy. She couldn't tell Annalise she felt like this without scaring her off. Why _does_ she feel like this anyways? It's a just a weekend. She'd spent plenty alone when Annalise was with Sam. A sigh escapes her lips. It was different now though. Annalise loved Eve. Or at least, she said she did, and Eve had believed her. It was stupid, but she wanted to believe her. She'd wanted them to happen for so long, that she just didn't seem able to walk away anymore.

She was overthinking things. She looked at her glass and downed it at one time before setting the empty cup back down with a _clink_ and pulling out some bills to pay. She leaves them on the bar and stands, grabbing her purse before she heads back out into the chill night air.

* * *

Annalise is finally finished with dinner. She's set the table, and made two plates. There's salmon, with asparagus and wild rice; all of which she's tasted a million times to make sure it's perfect. She's almost a bit worried now. It's funny how the tables have turned. First she was praying for Eve to be working a bit late, and now she just wanted her home. Annalise hoped the food didn't get cold. She finds herself a glass and pours a cup of water, deciding to wait to open the wine. As she sips on it, she keeps thinking about Eve. What if she had made other plans? Annalise should have given her some warning, let her know to come home. She sighs softly and grabs her phone before setting down her glass, ready to call Eve, but then the doorknob jiggles and she steps in.

Eve sees the table first. It's made so nicely, with candles and it smells _amazing_. She steps over and sniffs a bit. It must still be hot. Then she realizes what all of this means. _She_ has to be here.

She looks up, and there's Annalise, standing in her kitchen entryway.

"Surprise," says Annalise softly. She's holding her hands together tightly, her nerves getting to her. Eve's eyes are wide as she looks at the table, then back to Annalise again.

"You're here," she says, astounded. "You came, and you cooked." Her brain is lagging a bit, she's so happy, and so surprised, that she is just remembering that she can move.

"I wanted to surprise you," Annalise tries to explain. "I thought you liked those." She smiles a bit, but Eve is quiet, still struggling to comprehend. She takes a breath and runs a hand through her hair before the widest smile spreads on her face.

"I can't believe it," she says, her surprise turning to soft laughter. "Come here." She must not want to wait, because she steps in and grabs Annalise's hand and pulls her close before giving her a warm kiss. Annalise raises a hand to one of her cheeks and sighs contentedly, kissing her back completely with no inhibition. That first kiss develops into a second, then another, and another until they're so wrapped up in each other that nothing else matters.

Eve initiated the kiss, but it's Annalise who ends up leading it. She missed Eve just as much. She missed _this:_ the feeling of hands on her waist, her face; the rush, the messiness; the rawness. The ability to let down her guard, to not have to pretend to be someone strong, or someone hopelessly in love, because to be honest she didn't know what she felt, or if those three times she'd said it last weekend had been brought on by some sort of emotion overload. She didn't have to think about it when they were like this those. Now she had the ability to just kiss and to enjoy it.

Eve's thoughts aren't nearly as muddled as Annalise's, but when are they ever? She's much more a clear-cut thinker, and right now, she's thinking about how much she wants Annalise. She's holding her lower back, pulling her body into her own. The kiss has intensified and Eve is unintentionally tugging at Annalise's dress. She pulls back to take a breath and quickly guides Annalise to turn around.

"You look nice," she whispers, causing Annalise to laugh softly. She means it though. All of Annalise's dresses seem to be perfectly fitted, hugging her curves. Eve smiles softly, pulling her into her own body and kissing her neck before tugging down the zipper on her dress. Annalise turns back around and looks at Eve, who bites her lip in that fucking irresistible way and nervously raises a hand to Annalise's shoulder and tugs it down slightly until the material falls down around Annalise's ankles. Annalise can't help herself anymore and she pulls Eve closer and kisses her again gently. They back up against a wall eventually, bodies pressed together. Eve pulls away for another breath, and they study each other. Annalise's chest tightens and she doesn't quite know why. Eve moves back in without a word, kissing her neck, her chest slowly. Her hands have been traveling over her body slowly, squeezing softly, rubbing gently. Now they rest on her waist as she kisses between her breasts, nipping gently and causing Annalise to shiver.

"Can we lay down?" Annalise whispers softly. Eve looks up and nods before pulling away and leading Annalise to the couch, mainly because it was closest and she didn't want to wait. She lets Annalise lay down first before climbing on top and sitting in between her legs. She slides one hand down to rub Annalise through her panties, which are lacy and black as she lowers her mouth back down onto her. They kiss feverishly, and as Eve rubs Annalise, she begins to grind against her leg for a bit of friction to her core. Annalise notices, and it only aids in turning her on more. She moans softly against Eve's lips before reaching down and fiddling with her pants zipper. She pulls it down, and Eve pulls back just long enough to wiggle them off, then remove her top. Annalise pauses, breathing a bit heavily as Eve lets her top fall to the floor. That tight feeling is back. Eve strokes her cheek gently, not noticing the strain Annalise felt.

"What?" she whispers, at least able to see that there is something on Annalise's mind. Annalise bites her lip, but to no avail, because all of sudden her mouth is opening.

"I love you," she blurts. She doesn't know _why_ she says it again. She doesn't know if she means it, she shouldn't say it, she knows that, but it was like the words hadn't gone to her mind before they spilt out of her mouth. Eve just smiles. She smiles so widely that Annalise almost feels okay about it.

"I love you too," she says softly. Annalise knows she means it. If there's anything Eve is transparent about, its her feelings. No matter how hard she tries to cover them up. Annalise can tell by the way she looks at her, by the way she touches her, by the way she speaks. She treats her differently. Makes her feel worth something. Annalise tries to say something else, but Eve shushes her by pressing their lips together again and sliding her hands around Annalise's chest to unhook her bra. After she lets it fall to the floor, she cups Annalise's chest and begins applying soft kisses to sensitive areas, and Annalise decides to let the moment go and enjoy the now.

* * *

After a couple of rounds, and reheating dinner, they sit at the table across from each other eating. Eve was in that light blue robe Annalise liked so much and she'd given Annalise an off-white one.

"This is delicious," says Eve through a mouthful of food. Annalise smiles slightly, taking a bite of rice.

"I'm glad you like it," she answers, watching amusedly as Eve takes another large bite of salmon, followed by a sip of the Pinot Noir she'd picked up from the grocery store.

"Very much," murmurs Eve, taking a bite of her asparagus. She had worked through her lunch break today in order to try and make some reservations for this weekend. She'd thought they'd end up going to waste, but here Annalise was.

"How was your week?" asks Annalise, fiddling with her food. She had gone back to thinking about the I love you she'd said. That made four times she'd said. Why did she say it in the first place? Why did she feel bad about it? Why couldn't she be as sure as Eve? And why the hell was Nate on her mind?

"It was average, I guess," answers Eve, shrugging. She pulls Annalise from her thoughts. "I did a lot of work, thought about you a lot. But what's new, right?" She gives Annalise a tight-lipped smile, and Annalise can't tell if she's upset, or teasing.

"I thought about you too," she says. Damn! There she went again, saying something sentimental and unnecessary; something that of course made Eve give her a smile and nudge her leg under the table.

"I'm glad," she said, looking up a bit bashfully. Annalise smiles back, because she just doesn't know how not to when she looks into Eve's happy face. They're quiet for a moment as they eat.

"You said something about dancing, did you still want to go?" Annalise asks, remembering their phone conversation. Eve shakes her head a bit, as her mouth is full. After she swallows, she sets her fork down.

"I don't think so," she says, becoming full. "Maybe I'm just getting old, but I'm kind of tired." She's tired because it's still hard to sleep without Annalise. She's getting more sleep than she was, maybe 5 or 6 hours a night, but she woke up frequently and had bad dreams. It was always better when Annalise was with her.

"You're not getting old," says Annalise. She too sets down her fork. "That would mean I'm getting old, and there's no way." Eve laugh. The sounds fills the room and makes Annalise's heart swell.

"Of course, there's no way." Eve says. She pauses and looks at Annalise in _that_ way. That smiley, lip biting, eye twinkling way that makes Annalise both feel purposeful and guilty all at once.

"What?" Annalise asks, uncomfortable under Eve's gaze.

"You know what," Eve answers, shaking her head just slightly. Annalise smiles a bit, and nods, because she does know. Eve is so sure of this, of _them_ that there's only one thing could she really be thinking. She doesn't need to say it, Annalise _knows_. Eve smiles a bit before clearing her throat. "If you want to go ahead and get ready for bed, I can clean up. As sort of a thank you for cooking."

What Annalise really wants is to take another bath like they had before. But she didn't know if that would be too personal to do again. She couldn't suggest it again, could she?

"Okay," she says, standing up. She steps around the table, and Eve catches her hand.

"Hey Annalise?" she says, a bit shyly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for this."

Annalise looks at Eve, and she can tell she doesn't just mean dinner. She's thanking Annalise for being here. Annalise purses her lips before leaning down and giving Eve a soft kiss.

"Thank you," she whispers, rubbing Eve's cheek before she pulls away. She heads to the Eve's en suite with a sigh, grabbing her bag on the way. She turns the water on and undoes the robe she has on before folding it and hanging it on the door hook. Then there's her wig, which she removes. There are makeup removing wipes in her bag, and she retrieves them and pulls a couple out. She cleans her face slowly, carefully, and when she finishes she drops the brown stained wipes into the trashcan and looks at herself in the mirror. It's funny how she always seems to bare herself for Eve more than once by the end of the night. She pulls her eyes away from her reflection, and steps inside the shower.

* * *

By the time Annalise comes out of the shower and dries off she's ready to get some sleep. She wraps her hair in a scarf and applies lotion to her skin before she changes into the nightgown she brought to wear and steps out of the bathroom, into Eve's room. There, she finds Eve laying on the bed, fast asleep, snoring in that light way she did when she was really tired. She'd changed into a tshirt, and it looked like she had tried to stay up. There was a book in front of her, still open. Annalise smirked ever so softly and leaned down, pulling the book away gently and setting it on Eve's nightstand. Then she clicked off the lamp that was on and walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in, getting under the covers. Eve stirs just a bit, not much, only enough to readjust so she's closer to Annalise. This of course, is what she prefers, and so she subconsciously cuddles up closer until she's pressed against Annalise. Annalise doesn't mind. In fact, this is what she prefers as well.

* * *

In the morning, when Annalise wakes up, Eve is in the shower. She panics at first when she notices she's in an empty bed, but then she hears the shower and Eve's singing and she calms down a bit. She sits up a little and rubs her face, just as the shower cuts off. In a few minutes, Eve comes back to the room, in a fluffy robe and looking beautiful as always. Annalise smiles a little when she sees her, and Eve smiles shyly back. She comes over and leans down, giving Annalise a brief kiss before rubbing her cheek gently.

"Good morning," she says after she pulls away.

"Good morning," answers Annalise. Sits up a bit more and tugs Eve so that she falls into Annalise's lap, giggling softly. She pauses for a second, watching Eve's face before she speaks up again.

"You're beautiful."

Eve blushes, and fiddles with a strand of her long, brown hair.

"You are too," she says, delicately tracing the outline of Annalise's lips with her index finger.

"No, not like you," answers Annalise, again being too honest for her own good. She seems to be unable to stop herself from saying exactly what she feels, which is odd because she normally _never_ says what's really on her mind. Eve's eyebrows knit together in confusion, and she sits up, wrapping her legs around Annalise's waist so that she can sit in her lap and face her.

"You are beautiful, Annalise," she insist. Annalise tries to look away, but Eve won't let her.

"Not like this," she says with a dry chuckle, futilely trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe after I add eyebrows and lashes but not like this. I'm not the same, I'm not even _Annalise_ , I'm, I'm Anna Mae." Eve frowns now, shaking her head stubbornly until she hears the last part.

"What?"

What was wrong with Annalise?

"Nothing," she says, subdued.

"Who's Anna Mae?" Eve asks. Annalise makes the mistake of looking into Eve's trusting, light brown eyes, and her resolve breaks.

"It was me," she says softly. "But not anymore. Do you remember, on the first day we had class together, when that old professor used the roster to call on students?" Eve nods.

"He called out Anna Mae Harkness, and I told him it was Annalise and that his book must have been wrong, but it wasn't." Eve is confused. Annalise seems to be struggling to tell her story, but she can't imagine why it's such a big deal.

"You didn't like your name, okay," she says, but Annalise shakes her head. "It's okay."

"No," says Annalise. "It wasn't just the name. It was the girl. She was everything I dislike in a client. Meek. Afraid. A crier, even worse than I am now. The type to be walked over, forgotten. To soft spoken to stand up for herself. Someone that needs to be protected, and that looks for that protection in places they're unlikely to receive it." Eve is beginning to understand. Her expression softens, just like her tone.

"What happened to her?"

"Something bad."

"Something bad," repeats Eve.

Annalise nods rapidly. Tears are coming to her eyes, but she wipes them away quickly and sniffs.

"Yes," she says.

"So you just, got rid of her?"

"Yes." She wants to continue but she doesn't know how. Eve is filling in the blanks anyways. Annalise is bold, seemingly fearless and so private. Her words were bitter, her eyes were glazed. It made sense. How she could be so different, and then fall apart at a moment's notice. She had been hiding herself all this time, and Eve felt so stupid for not seeing before. She sees it now, how there are those moments when Annalise slips and seems truly afraid; which she guesses is out of character for Annalise, but not Anna Mae. Eve doesn't mind though. Not at all. She's just glad she's finally figuring out who Annalise really is. She wants to know all of it. All of her layers, all of her insecurities.

"So this is Anna Mae?" she asks softly, her voice light, teasing, as she catches a stray tear with her thumb. "The woman who shows up at my door crying?"

"It's her," Annalise says. "She never had the chance to grow up."  
Eve is quiet for a second, and Annalise begins to worry. She sounds crazy to be honest. A modern day Sybil. She's ready to laugh it off, but then Eve speaks up.

"I love her too," she says quietly.

"You do?" asks Annalise.

"I do," answers Eve, smiling. "I love _you_. It doesn't what your name is, or if you cry too much, or if you need someone to take care of you sometimes. That's fine, that's you. That's who I love. And you are beautiful, for that matter, whether you're wearing makeup or not. I love your skin, these lips, your hair, your shape. Your heart." She traces her hand over features she's talking out until it rests in the center of Annalise's chest.

"I know you. I know your heart, and I know it's good. And I love you. You don't have to hide from me."

Annalise watches as Eve says all of this with a smile on her face. She never hesitated. She said everything confidently, and honestly. She meant it. Annalise knew that. And the thought made her heart ache. She had Eve. Had her here and willing to love her, and Annalise still couldn't convince herself to let go of everything things else and just be in love.

"You sound like my mother," she says after a couple of minutes of thinking. Eve wasn't anything like her mother, for the most part at least. But with that 'I know you' stuff, Annalise seriously saw Ophelia.

"Is that a bad thing?" Eve asks, raising an eyebrow.

"No," Annalise answers. "Usually yes. But right now, no." Eve's smile only widens.

"Well okay," she says. "I'll take it. As long as you don't end up breaking up with me because I remind you too much of her, and you start feeling like you're having sex with your mother or something."

The thought is so absurd that Annalise has to roll her eyes. Eve starts giggling and it's infectious. They both end up laughing together.

"How do you do that?" Annalise asks, after she catches her breath.  
"Do what?" Eve says, moving her hair back behind her shoulder with a large smile.

"Make all the bad go away," Annalise says, her voice lowering.

"It's not about making the bad go away," Eve says slowly, playing with the strap of Annalise's nightgown.

The way she says it makes Annalise connect it to so many other things. The bad inside her. The hurt that occurred after she left Eve for Sam. Maybe the way they'd yelled at each other after court, who knew?

"It's about remembering the good."

Eve is smiling. Annalise ends up smiling too.

* * *

The weekend is good after that. They go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, then to Central Park, and Tavern on the Green for dinner. Annalise has to bite back a few more 'I love you's' and she feels bad for it of course. Eve doesn't even think about it; she's having too much fun. They had thought about taking in a movie, but because they're both pretty tired, they end up going home and playing Scrabble and talking until 1 in the morning.

On Sunday, they decide to stay in bed. They talk, mainly about Eve because Annalise is sick of talking about herself. They talk about her ex-girlfriends, about her job, about everything besides Annalise leaving. And of course, they have sex.

All in all, it's a good weekend. Annalise cried less than she did on the average weekend at least. Sunday night when she leaves, she doesn't want to leave. Things are bad back home, but down here, they're simplified, even if she's confused about her feelings. Anyways, things always seem to clear up for Annalise when she's here. At home, she can convince herself that she and Eve won't work, or that it's not worth it. But then she comes down here and she knows she needs her.

She's her anchor, especially right now.

Currently, they stand at Eve's front door ready to say goodbye again.

"So, I'll see you next weekend?" Eve asks. She's holding one of Annalise's hands

"Yes," Annalise answers, smiling. "I'm your girlfriend, remember? You can see me whenever you'd like." Eve's smile mirrors Annalise's almost perfectly.

"Well then I want to see you tomorrow morning, and night, and the next day, and-"

Annalise laughs and shushes her with a kiss. When they pull back, they smile at each other a bit remorsefully.

"Okay," Annalise says, tightening her grip on her bag.

"Okay," repeats Eve. "Call me when you get home? You know, so I know you're safe."

Annalise's smile widens a bit.

"I will."

Eve gives her one more peck on the lips and then she opens the door for her. After she walks out, she shuts it behind her.

Goodbyes are definitely the hardest part.

The call Annalise promised doesn't come until late. Eve picks up, confused as to why it would take her 5 hours to get home.

"I can't find my cellphone," is Annalise's reasoning. "I was looking for it and I forgot to call, sorry."  
"It's probably somewhere here," answers Eve, cradling the phone between her shoulder and ear and she removes the sheets from her bed. "I'll look for it." She shakes the sheet and there's a _thump_. Go figure. She looks around for the cause of the noise and - surprise! - Annalise's phone.

"Guess what I found?"

"Really?"  
"Mhm, I'll bring it by in the morning."

"Are you sure? I mean, I know you have work."

"Don't worry about it," Eve answers. "I've got it."

And so the next morning, she leaves at 7 and gets into Philadelphia around 10. She knocks on the door, and the small blonde that worked for Annalise opened the door. Bonnie, she thought it was?

"Hi, um is Annalise available?" she asks after stepping in. Bonnie recognizes her face, and nods.

"Yes, I'll go get her," she says. She walks away rather quickly, and Eve raises her eyebrows before peeking around the corner. The 5 students who worked for Annalise were there, One caught her eye, The male who looked awfully like a puppy. His name pops up in her mind. _Wes_. He's special to Annalise. She refers to him separately whenever she talks about her students, and always by his first name.

"Hey," he says, loud enough to get everyone's attention. Everyone turns to look at her, and automatically Eve can feel each one of them calculating them in their own way. 4 of them seemed to recognize her. The last seemed clueless.

"Hey Asher," said the black girl. She seemed refined, above the others in a way. The type who liked to be in charge. Annalise had described her in some way. The princess. Michaela.

"Yeah," answered the boy who looked lost. He closed the book he was holding and placed it back on the bookshelf. Eve was 90% sure it had nothing to do with the case the rest of the students were working on.

"Bonnie called you like 5 minutes ago, are you going to see what she wants or not?" spoke the other girl. Through the process of elimination, Eve had remembered that her name was Laurel. She seemed to be following Michaela's lead with the goal of getting Clueless to leave. It worked.

"Are you guys serious?" he asked, looking surprised. "I didn't even hear her." He disappears into the next room. Michaela smiles tightly, and then everyone else looks back at Eve. She has stepped out of the entryway into the room a bit, unwilling to be dissected by a few college students.

"You worked on Nate's case," Michaela said. "Is something wrong?" She sounds nervous and the remaining boy, who is kind of pretty stands up and touches her arm lightly.

Eve is surprised that they know, although she doesn't know why. They must be informed about everything that goes on.

Except for her and Annalise.

"No," Eve says, shaking her head a bit. "I'm just here to see Annalise."

"Are you her friend or something?" asks Laurel, raising an eyebrow expectantly. The pretty boy laughs.

"Since when does _Annalise_ have friends?"

"Connor," Michaela interrupts. He's saying too much. Being too careless.

"I mean, let's be honest, can you see her hanging out?" he asks, looking back at Eve. "I mean, what do you guys do, go to murder mystery parties where it turns out that someone was actually murdered?"  
"Connor!" Laurel interjects, giving him a fierce look.

"She's not that bad," Wes says. He doesn't exactly trust Annalise at the moment. But it's not his job to bad mouth her. Especially not in front of a stranger.

"That's rich, coming from you," answers Connor. Wes closes his mouth. "Everything she does is for you. Maybe you're her plus one to the dinner parties."

"That's not true," Wes answers.

Eve is surprised. Connor seems angry. Like, truly _angry_ with Annalise. In the back of her mind somewhere, she wonders if this was related to one of the 'horrible' things Annalise had done. Or maybe she'd just given him a bad grade on a test. Either way, she felt like she had to protect Annalise.

"So are you?' Laurel asks, turning the conversation back to Eve.

"Yes," Eve answers. "I guess you heard at the trial that we went to Harvard at the same time."

"Why did you pin it on her?" Wes asks. The rest of the students wait for a response.

"I needed to win," Eve answers. "There's no way she could get charged. You all have to know that."

"It wouldn't be the worst thing..." says Connor, moving across the room to plop down on the couch.

"Stop," says Laurel. "She doesn't deserve that, and you know it."

"She's not a bad person," interjects Eve, directing her voice towards Connor, who looks up, a bit surprised at the change in her tone. "She's actually a rather good one, and I know she does a lot for you all. All of you. You can't begin to imagine what she has to deal with every day, and so I would suggest listening to her for a change and maybe doing your jobs instead of talking crap about her to people who walk in the door."

Everyone looks at her shocked. Annalise steps in from listening in the hallway and touches her arm lightly. Everyone jumps slightly when they see her. Connor gets up and leaves the room.

Annalise glares at his back and then turns and leads Eve away into her office.

"You have your hands full," she says as soon as the door close. She pulls Annalise's phone out of her pocket and hands it to her. Annalise sets it on the desk and leans against it.

"I know," she says, thinking. "They weren't always like that. Not at first. It's my fault, I changed them."

"It's not your fault, Annalise," Eve says reflexively. Annalise looks up and nods slowly before smiling a bit.

"Thanks for standing up for me," she says softly, stepping over to Eve and taking her hand.

"You're welcome," Eve answers. Annalise kisses her gently and she kisses back.

"I guess you have to head back," she says after they break apart.

"I wish I could stay," answers Eve.

"Me too," admits Annalise. Eve smiles.

"Well, I'll show myself out. I guess you'll want to talk to Connor." Annalise rubs her forehead.

"I don't know what to do with that one," she admits. Eve chuckles.

"I'll come back and fight him if I have to," she answers quietly. She gives Annalise one more kiss. "Okay, I love you. I'll see you soon."  
"I love you too," Annalise finds herself saying. Eve smiles and steps out.

Damn.  
She waits a few seconds and then steps out of her office with a sigh, ready to chew out the headache that is the Keating 5.


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN: Okay, so I attempted to make this chapter fit in between episode 6 and 7. I had veered waay OC though, so I'm not trying to say this fits in perfectly or anything, but I tried my hardest to converge back to the show.**_

 ** _Shoutouts for this chapter goes to_** _ **glitznglamourj and everyone who said I had talent or a gift. The former because I included Wes and Annalise (I don't support them as a couple though, so don't expect any of that) and their relationship. The latter because those kinds of reviews absolutely make my day and encourage me to keep writing. Especially when someone says 'go work with Shonda' (you know who you are), gosh, I almost faint. Thanks for looking past all my typos that I'm too lazy to edit ;-)**_

 _ **And that's all I have to say, hope you guys love this chapter! It's another one of my favorites.**_

Annalise has packed for her next weekend with Eve and she's so ready to go. She'd had another rough week, including the conversation she'd had with Wes. She'd lied to him. She'd lied straight to his face. The guilt she felt was immense; it was almost crushing her. She knew it was something she needed to do. Wes needed her to protect him. He wouldn't be able to take finding out what happened. He'd lash out, be angry, and she couldn't let that happen. She knew that he loved Rebecca, and Annalise was sorry for what had happened to her, but that didn't mean Wes could find out. She didn't feel the same way about him as she did about the rest of the students. She had to protect everyone, they worked for her, that was her job. But Wes, was special. She didn't know what it was. Maybe those puppy eyes, or the fact that he trusted her before anyone else did. Maybe it was that he didn't have a mother and Annalise felt bad for that. _Something_ was different, between them. It was obvious whenever they spoke. And so it was her job to shield him, to _protect_ him because no one else could. She would always do that; even if it involved lying. That was okay, because she was doing it for the right reasons.

That's what she told herself at least.

It didn't help her feel any less guilty.

And besides the situation with Wes, there was Nate. He had never been mean before. Annalise had given him plenty of reasons too, but never until now. She felt horrible about Nia. She never should have gone to see her. Never should have told Nate, but she had, and now Nia was dead.

She tries to make things better, because no matter what happened she _cared_ about Nate. She didn't love him, but he was on the never ending list of people she felt responsible for. So she tried to do something good. She'd cooked. She'd _tried_. But he'd still answered the door angry and unshaven, and said those ugly words to her and tore her down, and he'd told her that there wasn't anyone who could love her.

 _You are wrong!_ She'd wanted to say. _Someone_ _ **loves**_ _me._

She's wanted to fight for herself. Wanted to stand up for herself in the way she would for a client, but his words had scared her and she couldn't respond. She couldn't do anything but stand there and take it, because part of her felt like she deserved it. Maybe he was right. She'd let him scream at her, and then she'd left, and she couldn't figure out why.

She sighed to herself as she grabbed her bag and her keys. Everyone else had already gone home, and it was dark outside. She was leaving later than she'd expected, but Eve would know she was on her way. It's funny how different everything is when she leaves. It's like going into another world, where she's free to be another person. Eve's _girlfriend._ Someone who cooks and laughs and visits museums then goes to be with her partner. She gets to pretend be someone happy. She walks down the stairs, and clicks the lights off, preparing to go. But then there's a loud knock at the door. She freezes. She's still afraid for some reason, of someone breaking in. Hurting her. There's another knock. She can't breathe.

"Annalise?"

It's Wes. She let's out a large sigh of relief and opens the door quickly. Wes is standing on the porch. his hands tucked into his pockets, his mouth pressed into a hard line. Annalise looks at his face and steps aside, letting him in. He steps into the dark house and she shuts the door behind him before turning and looking at him in the dim rays of light coming from the streetlights outside.

"Is everything okay?" she asks, looking up at him.

"Yes," he answers. He pauses, looking at her bag as her pieces two and two together. "Yes, I just came to talk to you, but it looks like you're about to leave, so..." His voice trails off, but he's looking at Annalise with those focused eyes.

"I have a few minutes," Annalise hears herself say. "For you."

Wes's lips turn up in what could either be a smile, or a grimace. Annalise leaves her bag by the door and steps deeper into the house, leading him into her office, where she turns on a light.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asks, leaning against her desk, arms crossed over her chest. Wes is quiet for a moment, looking at the ground so she continues. "Us? The case? Your mother?"

"I wanted to say sorry," Wes said, cutting her off. He looks up. "For being so crazy about Rebecca."

"It's not your fault," Annalise said. "You don't need to apologize."

"I think you might be right," he said.

"I'm always right." Wes smiles, clearly this time.

"I think it's hard for me to trust women," he said slowly. "Just like it's hard for you to trust men."

That took Annalise by surprise, but she didn't let it show. She nods slightly before responding.

"What makes you say that?"

"Just a hunch," is all Wes says. He's watching her though. Those gears in his head spinning. Always spinning.

Annalise looks at him too. She's afraid he's figuring it out. What's she trying to do. She's usually good at reading him, but she can't tell by looking at his tenebrous features in the weak light of the lone lamp she'd turned on.

"Is that all?" she asks, breaking his gaze. He begins to say yes, but then he stops and changes his mind.

"Nate's lawyer," he says, taking his hands out of his pockets and crossing his arms. "Who is she?"  
"She's death-row lawyer," Annalise said. "A good one."

"No," Wes says, shaking his head, unsatisfied with her reply. "Who is she to you?"

"We we're friends a long time ago," Annalise answered, which isn't necessarily untrue. "We were-"

"The same year at Harvard," Wes finishes. "I know. We all know. But is that all?"  
"What do you mean?"

"I mean, is there more?"

Annalise chuckles, brushing him off. She's gotten so good at lying, she almost fools herself.

"We're just old friends," she confirms, looking Wes in the eyes. He must be referring to Rebecca again. She makes a small smile. He returns it.

"Okay," he says, looking away. He's quiet and so Annalise is about say goodnight, but then he speaks up again, quiet, less logical. "She just looks at you different," he says, looking at the floor.

"Like she..." He trails off, and frowns a bit, before shaking his head. "No, that wouldn't make any sense."

For a second, Annalise wants him to figure it out.

"Wes?" she asks, prodding him to continue. He hesitates, then looks at her, shaking her head.

"Nothing, sorry," he says, unfolding his arms. "I'll let you go now." Annalise nods, and she leans up and then they walk out, and back to her front door.

"Thank you for coming to see me," she says, grabbing her bag.

"Thanks for letting me in," he answered. They both smile, then exit out into the cold night air.

Wes has his bike on the porch.

"Be safe," Annalise warns, slightly worried about Wes, as she thinks about him and his rickety bike riding amongst cars and motorcycles.

He gives her a crooked smile and taps the reflector light on the front.

"I will be," he says, carrying his bike down the steps before hopping onto it and pedaling away. He waves. Annalise waves back, and then she watches him go until he's a white blur, then nothing.

She sighs, something she seems to do a lot these days, and then turns to her car. She gets in and throws her bag in the back before turning the car on and checking the time. It's nearly ten. God, she's late. She checks her phone. There are two missed texts from Eve:

"Leaving the office now. See you soon x" from 8:31 and  
"Going to pick up some dinner. Any preferences?" at 9:10

Annalise feels bad that she's so late, and she so she texts back

"Had to work late. Omw now." Then she thinks about it and adds

"Can't wait to see you."

Then she clicks her phone off and sets it in the seat next to her before turning on the radio and shifting the car into the reverse. She backs out, switches to drive, and she's on her way.

As she drives, she finds herself thinking about Wes again.

" _Just like it's hard for you to trust men."_

Was he right? She clutched the steering wheel as she remembered her uncle with the wandering hands. And Sam, with his harsh words that managed to belittle her whenever they were behind closed door. And Nate too, telling her no one would ever love her. Her mother had told her men take things, and Annalise had begun to believe her.

Had she said that Wes couldn't trust women, because that was how she felt about men? Was it possible for her to project her own subconscious onto another person so convincingly that they actually believed her? Did she trust Wes? He wasn't technically a man yet, he still seemed so young. It was obvious in his face, and in his manner. He was still a child, at least he seemed like it at times to Annalise. A child. She absent-mindedly lowers one of her hands to her stomach, running her fingertips across it before she realizes what she's doing and returns her hands to the wheel, gasping.

She grips the steering wheel harder and blocks her next thought as she turns onto her exit. She has to stop thinking about Wes.

Was it possible that her sudden preference for Eve had been sparked by the mistreatment of men?

She immediately shook the thought from her head. That explanation was an excuse for a psychotherapist or a religious leader that didn't believe in bisexuality. No, her feelings for Eve (whatever they were) were defined by the way she treated Annalise. It just so happened that she was a woman.

Why is she examining herself anyways? Why is she overthinking, when she's going to Eve to forget. She grits her teeth and turns the radio up louder.

Annalise finally gets to Eve's around 12. She lets herself in to see Eve on the couch, curled up in a blanket, watching some movie.

"Hey," Annalise says, stepping into the living room.

"Hi," answers Eve. She sounds happy, but a bit tired. Annalise goes to her and leans down, kissing her forehead gently. Eve smiles, and looks up, tugging Annalise down at bit so that she can press a kiss to her lips as well.

"Long week?" Annalise asks. Eve nods. "You didn't have to wait up for me, you know that."

"I wanted to, you know that," says Eve, mocking Annalise's tone with a small smile. "I got burgers and fries, which are cold now of course, but they're in the kitchen in the microwave."

"Thank you," Annalise says, smiling a bit. Eve clicks the TV off and gets out of her blanket to stand up before she looks at Annalise and cups her cheeks. She studies her for a minute, then she leans in and kisses her fully, and properly, in that way that makes Annalise remember why this is all so good.

"Okay," she says when they pull back. Her smile has widened. "C'mon, I know you must be hungry."

They head into the kitchen together. Annalise has finally started to realize where everything is. She grabs a plate as Eve opens the microwave and hands her the to-go box that contains her food. Annalise doesn't know when she last ate a hamburger. She places the contents of the box onto a plate, and hands it back to Eve, who places it in the microwave and chooses the reheat button.

"Wes came and talked to me today," Annalise says, as Eve pushes starts. She turns to face her, listening. "He asked if we were more than friends." She didn't know exactly how he meant it, but she gets Eve's attention.

"Well, what'd you tell him?"

"What do you think I told him?" Annalise says, raising her brows. "I told him we were screwing." Eve scoffs and pushes her lightly.

"You did not," she says, rolling her eyes. "What did you _really_ tell him?"  
"I said we were old friends," Annalise admits. Eve pulls a face, and she feels inclined to defend herself. "I mean, what was I supposed to tell him?"  
"I don't know," Eve says, not looking for an argument. Annalise can't help herself though, she has to give herself a reason for what she did.

"I try to keep my personal life separate from work."

"What personal life?" Eve asks. She's mostly teasing. Mostly. "Connor made it seem like you don't have any friends."  
"I don't need friends," Annalise says, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I have sex."  
The microwave beeps. Her food is done. She crosses over to get it, and then she grabs a napkin.

"I don't think that's really the same thing." Annalise rolls her eyes and sits down.

"I do have a life outside of this," she says, motioning to them. Eve's eyebrows raise.

"I never said you didn't," Eve concedes. "But I don't understand why this has to be so separate. You could have told him."

"I could have told Wes that I have sex with you?" Annalise questions, popping a reheated fry into her mouth. Usually, she's against eating microwaved fries, but she really is hungry, and it doesn't taste half bad.

"Well when it's exclusively, most people refer to that as a relationship," Eve says, sitting next to Annalise, resting her elbows on the table. "I thought you liked saying girlfriend."

"I've been thinking it sounds a little young," Annalise says decisively. Eve chuckles.

"Well I could call you my wife, but you'd have to marry me first," she muses. Annalise looks up at her, mid chew and she smiles. "Not a proposal, don't freak."

"The point is, they're students, not my friends," Annalise says. "They don't need to know."  
"I guess that's understandable," Eve says after a pause. Annalise continues to eat her burger, which is surprisingly good.

"How come everytime I'm with you, I consume twice the calories I normally do?" she says after swallowing. Eve chuckles and Annalise finally smiles a bit

"Bad habits, I guess," says Eve, leaning on her elbow. Annalise takes another bite and watches her.

"You can go to bed if you're tired," she says softly. "I'll be there in a minute."

"No," Eve says, shaking her head slightly and sitting up. "I'll wait for you." Annalise smiles softly and Eve's cheeks flush slightly. "That didn't sound too pathetic, did it?"

"No," Annalise answers, smiling wide enough to show Eve her white teeth. "Not at all."

Eve smiles, and gets up. "Okay," she says. 'Well, I'm gonna do some work while you finish up. Take your time." She's about to head to the couch, so she steps around Annalise, but then she pauses and places her hands on her shoulders and kisses the top of her head before continuing.

After she sits down, Annalise exhales and continues eating.

* * *

When she's done, she gets up and takes her plate to the kitchen. She rinses it slowly and the sticks it in the dishwasher before heading back out to Eve. She's writing notes intently on some document and Annalise has to touch her shoulder to get her attention.

"Hey," she says softly. "You at a stopping point?"

Eve looks up and smiles, nodding.

"Of course, just give me a second." She begins to stack the papers together, jotting down one more sentence. Annalise plays with her fingers.

"I'm going to go get ready for bed," she says, slowly. "I'll meet you in your room?"

Eve chuckles and sets her pen down.

"Okay," she answers.

Annalise steps away and grabs her bag from where she left it before heading to the guest bathroom. Her bag is lighter than the first one she brought, because Eve had encouraged her to just leave a few basics here. An extra toothbrush, toothpaste, a hairbrush. It was convenient. It also made the idea of _them_ seem more realistic. It was so perfect, it was almost scary.  
Annalie begins brushing her teeth. The thought of how much this would surprise Nate appears in her mind. He doesn't know what she has here. Eve, loving her. No matter what. Annalise spits grips the sink, looking at herself. She loves her, and Annalise doesn't even know if she can love her back. Not the way she wants.

She really does hate herself.

She exhales and wipes her mouth with a washcloth. She isn't ready to take off her makeup and wig. She doesn't want to look at herself exposed. Not now.

She runs a hand over her stomach again.

She does not want to see the person she is inside.

She looks away from the mirror and grabs her bag, heading out of the bathroom. Eve is in her room. She's changed into a long, faded, t-shirt, but she still manages to look stunning. She hears Annalise come in, and she turns around with a smile, but is confused when she sees that Annalise hasn't changed.

"I thought you were getting ready for bed," she says, stepping towards Annalise.

"I had something else in mind," said Annalise quickly before she closed the space between them and roughly pressed her lips against Eve's. She wants to feel someone else's body against hers. That always seems to help her ignore the bad. Eve is suprised, but she responds slowly. Something's not right. Annalise is being too rough, not careful and gentle like she normally is. She's tugging Eve's hair, pushing up against her and she doesn't necessarily like it. This isn't Annalise. She pulls back, but Annalise just pushes her back onto the bed. She begins to lean down to kiss her again, but Eve shakes her head and stops her.

"No, Annalise," she says, wiggling to sit up. Annalise backs off and looks at her.

"What?" she asks, breathlessly.

"Something's wrong," Eve says, searching her eyes. Annalise's expression falls and gives it away. "What is it?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about," Annalise lies.

"Yes you do," Eve says. She moves back on the bed and crosses her legs, holding eye contact with Annalise the entire time. "Talk to me."

Annalise hesitates. She can't tell Eve about Wes, because she didn't know about Rebecca. She also didn't know he was the one she was protecting, or why he was so special to Annalise. So that topic's off the table. There is something else bothering her though, to be fair. And Eve is watching her carefully, so she goes ahead and sits next to her, before voicing her thoughts.

"Nia died," she says slowly.

"Nia?" questions Eve. Annalise forgets sometimes how little Eve knows about everything that's going on in Philadelphia.

"Nate's wife," Annalise clarifies. Eve nods carefully.

"Okay," she says. She's waiting for Annalise to elaborate.

"I went to see him," Annalise says. Eve coughs, but she continues. "I brought him a cobbler. He was angry of course. That was all. He said some things I didn't like, and my feelings got hurt."

"You still speak to him?" Eve asks. Annalise looks over, her eyebrows raised in a way that says _of course_. Eve glances away. "What did he say?"  
"Just that no one is ever going to love me the way he loved Nia," Annalise answers. Eve looks back at her, and she holds up her hand to stop whatever she's about to say. "I don't want pity. I don't believe him. I know you love me."

Eve's mouth opens, then closes. She frowns slightly before speaking up.  
"I do," she says softly. "But Annalise, that's not all this is, is it?"

"What do you mean?" asks Annalise.

" _This_ ," Eve stresses, motioning to the two of them. "This isn't just you proving to yourself that Nate is wrong, is it?" Annalise doesn't answer, so she continues talking, desperate. "I mean, you're here, because you want to be here. Because you love me too, right?"

"Yes, I want to be here."

This is not the answer Eve wants. She pauses, before rephrasing her question.

"Do you?" she asks, her voice as steady as she can get it. "Love me?" She wants hear _of course_ or _I meant what I said_ anything sure, anything positive, with conviction.  
Instead she gets hesitation.

"I, um," Annalise starts, suddenly unable to lie, her voice quiet. Eve's eyes are tearing up and she hasn't even answered. "I think so. I mean, I don't know, not for sure, but I think-"

"You think," Eve repeats, incredulously. She runs a hand through her hair, and exhales loudly. "All those times you said it and you think. You _think_ too much Annalise." She tries to laugh but it comes out shaky. She slides away from Annalise subconsciously.

"It's not just some clear-cut decision that I can make, or an unquestionable emotion, I _have_ to think about it," Annalise reasons.

"No," Eve says. "You don't." She has to wipe her eyes. Annalise looks down. She doesn't want to embarrass Eve. She's knows she hates crying, especially in front of other people. "God, this is Harvard all over again."

"I'm sorry," says Annalise. "I don't know why I kept saying it, I just-"

"Ah!" exclaims Eve, holding up her hand to stop her. She's shaking her head. "Do not apologize. You always apologize, it's your thing, I know, but do _not_ apologize for saying you love me, that only makes things worse."

Annalise nods slightly. "Right," she says, subdued. She doesn't know why she chose now to be so blunt. She'd covered up her feelings multiple times before, she didn't see why it had been such a problem tonight, now when Eve had asked her to confirm her feelings.

"I just don't understand why you're even _here_ then _,_ " says Eve, sniffing. "I mean, you came to me. You came to me and told me that you wanted this."

"I needed you," Annalise answers. She can't tell Eve all of it. Not about the pills, not about the hopelessness she felt. "I was falling apart and I needed you."

"But why _me,_ " Eve says, "If you don't even-." Her voice catches and she can't finish. A tear falls, and she wipes it away hastily. She is not going to fall apart. She can't.

"I never said that I _didn't_ love you," Annalise tries.

"But you can't," Eve says. "Because if you did, you'd know it. There's no in between, there's no I don't know, I just don't understand..." She catches her breath, clearing her voice. "I don't understand why you would come to me if you didn't. I mean I understand the first time. Things kind of got carried away, and then.." she stops. Annalise looks at her.

"Eve?" she asks softly. There's no response. " _Eve_."

"Nate," Eve says quietly, after a long pause. "Did you do it for him?"  
"I don't know what you're talking about," Annalise answers, but she knows what Eve's getting at. That wasn't the truth though. She didn't even want Eve to consider that.

"Did you..." Eve says, struggling to force the words out. "Did you sleep with me to convince me to take Nate's case."  
"No," Annalise answers, her voice form. "No, I wasn't even thinking about Nate." Eve looks at her. Her eyes are red and watery and Annalise wants to take it all back. She wants to make it all better, but she can't, because with that "I don't know" she'd wrecked everything they'd began to build

"I don't believe you," Eve says quietly, shaking her head. "This whole time, I've tried my hardest to believe you, and I _did_. I mean, other time, when you came here, I gave you and out and you didn't take it. Why not?"

"I thought I meant it," Annalise says. This statement isn't entirely true. The more she thinks about it, the more she thinks she loves Eve _now,_ present tense, mainly because this is tearing her apart. But maybe it's better this way. The farther apart they are, the less chance they both have of getting hurt.

Annalise knows this isn't true, but she pretends it is. She's doing an awful lot of pretending. "I thought this was what I wanted."

"And it isn't?" Eve says, a dry laugh escaping her mouth. A tear slides down her face, and she doesn't even attempt to catch it. "You make it seem like you want this, but now it's not? You come down here, you tell me you love me. You ask to be with me. You don't take it back. Then you come back, surprise me and you cook for me. You tell me you love me, again. You tell me things about you, the real you, things don't share. You kiss me like I'm the only person in the world. You laugh with me, you make this feel like home." Eve says. She's been counting the things she says out on her fingers, before motioning around them on the last one. Annalise is quiet, so she continues.  
"But then, something happens with Nate, and all the good just goes away?"  
"It's not about him," Annalise says firmly.

"I think that it is," Eve says, shaking her head. She wipes her face again but the tears keep coming. She hates feeling out of control like this, and she hates not being able to subdue her emotions. Annalise reaches out for her hand but she moves away.

"Eve," Annalise tries. The more she looks at Eve, the worse she feels. Part of her wants to fix it, and part of her wants to leave it as it is. But here Eve is, _crying_ in front of her, and she can't help but care. Eve takes a minute and sniffs again, wiping at her face until it's mostly dry before she looks up at Annalise, silent.

"I'm sorry," Annalise tries. Eve barks out a laugh, and another tear falls.

"Yeah, I know," she says. She rubs her face and sighs, shakily inhaling and exhaling breath. Annalise watches as she carefully calculates her next statement. "I'm going to sleep in the guestroom tonight." Annalise shakes her head.

"You don't have to do that-"

"And in the morning, I think you should go."  
"Go?" Annalise says, slightly surprised. She knew Eve was upset, but she hadn't guessed that she would actually ask her to leave because of this. "Eve, things don't have to change." How ironic was it, that when she actually saw herself losing something, she suddenly wanted it.

"It's too late, Annalise," Eve says, refusing to look back at her as she stands up. "They already have."

She walks away from Annalise, who no longer has anything to say. Instead, she watches as Eve leaves, shutting the door firmly behind her.

After she leaves, Annalise covers her face, letting out a sigh that could almost pass for a scream.

 _What the hell was_ _ **wrong**_ _with her?_

This was not what she wanted. She didn't want an empty bed. She didn't want for Eve to hate her. She wanted what they had when she'd walked in this evening, and now it was gone.

Funny how quickly words could change a situation.

For the rest of the night, Annalise lays under the covers and stares at the wall, thinking of all the reasons she needed Eve. She thought about how she could barely sleep without her. How she made her laugh. The way she let her talk about anything that was bothering her, and never judged her. The way she cupped her face and pulled her in when they kissed. The more she thought about it, the more she thought she'd made the wrong decision.

She considered leaving right then, in the middle of the night. But then she wouldn't get to talk to Eve. Unless she went to her room. But she was sure she wouldn't want to see her. So she decided to wait until morning. She couldn't sleep of course. Not in Eve's bed, not without her.

So she turns around to the window, and waits until she sees the sunrise.

* * *

After watching the sun come up, Annalise gets in the shower. She hadn't even bothered taking off her makeup, or wig, or dress, or anything last night. She showers quickly, and then gets dressed in the outfit she brought, before fixing her face and hair carefully. Then she goes out into the kitchen, and begins making breakfast, quietly so that she doesn't disturb Eve.

* * *

It doesn't matter how loud Annalise is, because Eve hadn't been able to sleep. Her eyes are puffy and red, her pillow tearstained. She wondered if she overreacted immediately after leaving the room last night, but honestly, she'd felt so horrible that she wasn't really in the mood to go and apologize for anything. This morning though, her mind was a bit clearer. She wasn't angry, but that wasn't an emotion she felt often anyways. She felt let down. And it was sad, but she partially blamed herself. She'd wanted to believe Annalise too badly. Her expectations had set her up for failure. She was up against Nate though, it seemed. Or maybe it wasn't him, but it was just that Annalise didn't feel the same. She couldn't imagine that Annalise felt _nothing_ though. She'd given her so many signals. She'd made her feel so special, opened up so much. Eve bites her lips. She will not cry. Not again.  
Eve hears her shower turns on. Annalise must be getting ready to leave. She misses her already, but she doesn't move from the bed. She's afraid of confronting her. So she waits until she hears it cut off. Then she waits some more until she hears a bang, which she assumes is the door closing after Annalise. She must have left. Eve exhales, and gets up slowly, rubbing her eyes before she exits the guest room. She checks her bedroom, to find it empty and clean, her bed made. Her heart sinks a bit. She already missed Annalise. But then, she walks into her kitchen and there Annalise is, looking inside her fridge. She pulls out a container of strawberries and closes the fridge. It isn't until she turns and sets them on the counter that she sees Eve.

"You're awake," she says weakly, trying to smile. Eve looks like death to quite honest, and Annalise feels horrible because she knows she the cause.

"I've been awake," Eve say. She tries to sound indifferent, but she still sounds hurt, and unsure of herself. "I thought you left."

"Well, I didn't," Annalise says, looking directly at Eve. She opens the container of strawberries and rinses them under the sink before beginning to cut up a few with a small knife. "I made oatmeal." She finishes a few strawberries, and drops a handful on each of the two bowls she has out. "It was the only thing I could find to make." She drops the knife she was using in the sink, and rinses her hands.

"You didn't have to make anything," Eve says, frozen in her current spot. Annalise sticks a spoon in both bowls, before she turns to Eve and offers her one.

"I know," she says softly, her voice apologetic. "Here, sit down and eat something." Eve watches her, and reluctantly takes the bowl. Annalise takes hers and sits down at the table. Eve sits across from her. She stirs the oatmeal, but she doesn't taste it.

"Thank you," she says quietly, unwilling to be impolite. Annalise is watching her, her face gentle.

"Eve," she starts, getting her to look up at her. "I'm sorry about last night."

"Don't apologize," Eve state. Annalise smiles a bit at this, even though it's not funny, it's familiar. "You just said how you felt."

"I didn't give you the full picture," Annalise says slowly. "When I first came here, crying and everything, things did just get away from me. I didn't plan on that. The second time, after Nate's hearing, wasn't like that. I wanted to be with you. And I realized I still had feelings for you. And when you left...things just fell apart. Things without you didn't feel right. All of sudden I needed you, and you only proved that by coming down there and taking care of me when I got sick, but then I drove you off, and things just kept getting worse. That's why I came back, and that's why I said that I wanted to be with you. The "I love you" felt right then. It's just that when I think, I don't know...  
"I don't know what I want, not completely. Things are a mess, and I don't want to commit to something that I can't follow through with. But I'm so afraid of not having you. I can't lose you, not again."

Eve listens to this as she stirs her oatmeal. She's quiet for awhile, thinking. Annalise sounds genuine.

"You didn't have to lie to me," she said. "If you weren't sure about your feelings. I wouldn't have forgotten about you because of that. I'll wait for you. I always do."

"You don't want the relationship? Like what we had last weekend, or before that?" Annalise asks.

"Of course I want that," Eve says, finally looking at Annalise. "I want the fairytale. I want you to be mine. I want go all the way and get married, I always have, you know that. But we're not ready. You're not ready." Annalise is quiet. She can't disagree.

"So, what are you saying?"

"I don't think this relationship thing we're trying is going to work out," Eve says softly, looking down again. She disappointed that she has to say it. "You have to make up your mind. Decide what you want."

"You'll wait?" Annalise asks carefully. Eve let's out a small sigh, but she looks up and nods.

"Of course," she says with a small, sad, smile. Annalise pauses. She takes a bite of her oatmeal, just seeming to remember that it's there.

"So we're back to where we started," she says. "Old friends." Maybe what she told Wes was closer to the truth than she'd known.

"Seems like it," Eve answers. She also takes a bite of her oatmeal, suprised at how good it is. There's cinnamon, and vanilla, and strawberries of course. Annalise is actually quite the cook. "This is good."

"Thanks," Annalise says, taking another bite herself. "I'm going to miss coming down here."

"I'm not going to take back your key," Eve says. "Everything's up to you. Just be honest with me from now on, okay? I mean, please. Just tell me the truth"

"Okay," Annalise says. This conversation is reminding her of the one she had with Wes not too long ago. "I'll be honest, I promise."

Eve exhales, and nods, looking at her.

"Okay."

They finish their food in silence.

* * *

Annalise washes her dish after she eats, even though Eve insists that she can leave it. Then she puts on her coat. Eve is leaning against the wall, watching as she grabs her bag.

"You don't really have to go," Eve says.

"I think it'd probably be best," Annalise says. "I mean, on Saturdays, we usually do couple stuff and then have a lot of sex, so that probably wouldn't be the most helpful right now."

Eve manages to smile. Annalise smiles back, chuckling.

"No, I guess not," she says, although the thought is nice.

Annalise finishes buttoning her coat up, and looks at Eve. Her smile fades, and she purses her lips.

"I might need your help," she says carefully.

"With what?" Eve asks. She steps forward and adjust Annalise's collar as an excuse to touch her.

"Nate," Annalise says. Eve glances at her, trying to suppress her disappointment.

"Of course. Is there something I should know?" she asks, removing her hand.

"I'll see," Annalise says. "Just don't be suprised when the call comes."

"Right," Eve says, nodding. Annalise looks at her, and a sigh escapes. Before she can open her mouth, Eve chides her with another "Don't apologize."

"Sorry," Annaise says automatically. Eve raises and eyebrow. She sighs a bit louder. "I mean-"

Eve smiles, raises a hand to her face. Annalise closes her mouth and freezes.

"It's okay," she whispers. They look at each other, and they both must read each other's minds because they lean in at the same moment and kiss. It's desperate and messy, with their teeth hitting each other but neither of them seem to mind. When they pull away to breathe, they look at each other. Annalise's lips are red, and Eve's pupils are dilated. She takes half a second to make up her mind about what to do next, before she takes Annalise's hands and impatiently pulls her towards the bedroom.

* * *

After, Annalise gets redressed and cleaned up, leaving Eve still in bed.

"That wasn't a bad decision was it?" asks Eve outloud.

"Probably," Annalise admits, stepping out of the bathroom. She smiles in Eve's direction. "But it was fun."

"It was," Eve says, playing with the corner of the bedsheet. She smiles in spite of all of the thoughts running through her head.

"Okay," Annalise says, putting her coat on again. "I'm going to leave for real this time."

"Okay," Eve says, although part of her wants to tell her to just stay. Annalise comes over to her and leans down, pressing a soft kiss to Eve's lips.

"I'll call you," she says quietly, before she slips out of the room. Eve doesn't get the chance to ask if she means about Nate, or about them. She listens to Annalise grab her bag, and then exit. The door shuts behind her. Eve falls back onto the bed, and covers her face.

Had she just allowed herself to be used again?

Or had she just made love to her soulmate?

She guessed she'd find out when Annalise called.


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: Hi again guys. Looks like I'm back to posting late and in the middle of the night. This chapter takes place between episodes 7 and 8, and well I was mad about episode 8. So I kind of let Eve really give it to Annalise in this chapter; which may seem out of character, I don't know. But I like to think that even Eve has a little.**_

 _ **3 shoutouts in this chapter. First two to Tigers4Life86 and the guest who requested jealous Annalise. Boy, is this chapter for you. The last shoutout is for ariainthestars because her review made my day when I read it. I don't quite have access to unicorn horns, but I try.**_

 _ **But really, thanks so much to all of you guys. I like feeling like you're looking forward to what I write. Every comment makes me smile.**_

 _ **Hope this chapter lives up to all of your expectations!**_

On Saturday evening, Annalise stands in her kitchen, a makeshift vodka and coke in her hand. She misses Eve. She'd spent her entire weekend up to now trying to keep busy, and trying not to think about her, but here she was, with nothing on her mind but Eve. Annalise sets down her glass and picks up her phone, like she has a million times. And then she goes to Eve's contact, like she has a million times, and almost _almost_ calls, but she doesn't, because she doesn't know what to say. She had fucked up. Like, a lot. And she didn't know how to even begin to fix it. She had taken back her feelings, and nothing had been right since. Eve had been down here, but they had taken so many steps back that it didn't even feel like she was talking to the same person at first. But then Eve had fixed things, like she always did, and made her feel great and remember why she'd even said I love you in the first place. And she had won that case for Nate. And she had talked to her about Wes, and then they'd had sex, but lately it seemed like so much more than sex. Annalise sighed. She was trying to fool herself, but she knew she needed Eve. She looks at her phone again and picks it up, dialing Eve's number from memory before she had the chance to chicken out. She pushes the call button and raises the phone to her ear.

It rings.

And rings.

And rings.

And rings.

Eve's voicemail clicks on. Annalise waits for the beep before speaking.  
"Hey, it's me," she begins. "I was thinking about coming to see you. I was going to ask to make sure, but I'm probably just going to show up anyways." She lets out a nervous laugh before continuing. "So um, it's 5 now, I should get there a little after 7. I'll see you soon."

She hangs the phone up and looks at it for a second, flipping it over in her palm. She hopes Eve gets it soon. She decides to go upstairs and pack a small overnight bag. Just in case.

* * *

After Annalise packs, Eve still hasn't texted back, but Annalise is itching to leave. Eve hadn't been angry with her - she'd made that clear. Maybe she should just head down anyways? Maybe Annalise is taking advantage of Eve's kind nature, but in her mind she can't imagine Eve being anything but happy to see her. So she grabs her keys, and her bags, and gets ready to go.

* * *

Eve is not doing something Annalise would have guessed. She's showering, but with someone else. She'd run into the blonde woman she'd been that night Annalise had showed up last week, and she hadn't been the least bit upset about Eve's sudden exit, only happy to see Eve again. Eve had remembered that her name was Kate, and that she wasn't half bad. Over the course of last week, they'd gone out a few time. And then today, they'd ended up getting lunch together, then they'd gone to Eve's apartment, and now, she was washing Eve's body with her hands, standing behind her, massaging her shoulders.

"You're tense," she said to Eve, who shrugged. She hadn't said much all day. She hadn't spoken much in general, to be honest though, because no matter what, it always felt like she cheating on Annalise. This was the main reason she'd blushed when Annalise had asked who 'she' was. But Eve had also been telling the truth when she'd said she wasn't any competition to Annalise. She'd always pick Annalise first, however sad that was.

"I just have a lot on my mind," she commented. Kate nodded, a small smile appearing on her face.

"You think too much," she says softly, turning Eve around. "Let me help you destress."

"Do you have time for that?" Eve asks. Kate just pulls her closer.

"I'll make it quick."

Before Eve can answer, Kate's leaning up and kissing her. Eve kisses back.

* * *

Annalise makes it into New York in a little over an hour. She'd taken the train so that she could get there quickly, and then had gotten a cab to Eve's building. As she heads up in the elevator, her stomach flutters. She doesn't know why she's so nervous. She'd come here plenty of times before, she didn't have a reason to be so on edge. Eve had said things were okay, and so they must have been okay. They were okay, she could visit whenever she wanted.

She steps out of the elevator, and into the hallway before walking down and reaching Eve's door. She knocks, and readjusts the bag on her shoulder. There was always the chance that Eve wasn't here, she realized that, but Annalise was really hoping that she was. She knocks again. There's a 'one minute' and then, Eve comes to the door.

* * *

When she'd heard the knock at the door, Eve had been helping Kate look for her shoe.

"Do you see it?" Kate asked, referring to her left heel.

"No, hold on," said Eve, standing up from her spot on the ground. There was a second knock.

"One minute," she says, and she brushed off her leggings before going to the door and looking through the peephole.

Annalise.

No, she couldn't be here now. Eve steps back and pushes her hair away from her face. Annalise would see Kate if she came in right now. She raises her hand to her neck, covered in small love bites which would surely turn to bruises. Annalise would see, and then -

Wait, no. Nothing would happen. She and Annalise weren't together now. She wasn't _her's_ anymore. It didn't matter who she was with; it wasn't really Annalise's business, no matter how much they joked about it. Her face hardens and she takes a breath. Then she opens the door.

"Hey," says Annalise, a small smile on her face as Eve opens the door partway.

"Hey," Eve says, sounding strangely unenthusiastic. Usually she was happy to see Annalise. "Do you need something?"

"I missed you," says Annalise plainly. Eve's heart wrenches, but she's silent. "Can I come in?"  
Eve doesn't answer immediately, but looks away before opening the door fully. Annalise steps in, but just as she does, some other woman comes from the direction of Eve's bedroom, hopping on one foot as she slid into her shoe.

"I found it," she announced, happy. Then she sees Annalise and raises her brows.

"Kate, this is my friend Annalise," Eve says slowly. "Annalise, this is Kate." Annalise shakes her head at the introduction, her eyebrows knit together in confusion. She looks at Eve for clues. Eve had a glow, this time a happy one, and bruises on her neck. She'd had a good time. Kate is looking at her with a little smile and a look in her eyes. They'd had sex, but it must have been more than that, if she was still here. Eve liked her. Annalise feels like she could almost pass out. Her heart aches, and she's frozen in her spot in front of the doorway. Kate doesn't seem to notice, and smiles at her with a nod. Annalise doesn't return it, but flicks her eyes back over to Eve.

"I'm just going to go," Annalise says, stepping back a bit. She wants to run out of the door. Fight or flight right? Kate shakes her head profusely. Damn her for being so kind.

"Oh, no, you don't have to, I was just about to leave," she insists, her voice annoyingly kind. She grabs her bag from the counter and pulls Eve close, pressing a gentle kiss to Eve's lips. Eve is still feeling a bit upset with Annalise, and so before Kate pulls away she raises a hand to Kate's cheek and deepens the kiss. It's quick enough so that Kate doesn't get suspicious, but Annalise has to look away. Her own cheek tingles.

Kate pulls away from Eve, her smile wide. Eve smiles back, although it's not genuine.

"Bye," Kate whispers, pulling away gently. She steps out, brushing past Annalise who hasn't looked up, or moved and closes the door behind her. As soon as she's gone, Annalise looks up at Eve, who looks completely indifferent.

"Was that her?" she asks, struggling to form the words. She felt like she deserved to know. After all that had happened between them...

"Annalise," Eve says, rolling her eyes in a way that makes it clear that she does not agree.

"Fine," Annalise says, becoming a bit mad. "I'm leaving." She adjusts her bag on her shoulder and starts to turn, but Eve speaks up.

"Then, why did you come?" she asks, her voice softening. She has trouble staying angry, and she doesn't know if that's a bad or a good trait. Annalise turns so that she's facing Eve again, pursing her lips. She's upset. Eve has shaken her, and she's upset for that.

"I missed you," she says, her words sharp and short. "Obviously, you didn't feel the same." Eve scoffs  
"How do you know that?"

"You were with _her_ ," Annalise spits out, angry. "You weren't thinking about me."  
"You don't know that," Eve says, frustrated. "She doesn't have anything to do with us."

"But it is her, isn't it?" Annalise says, crossing her arms. "The one you were talking about before." Eve sighs, rubbing her temple.

"You don't get to ask that," she says, raising her voice a bit. "You lost that right."

"I think that I deserve to know-" Annalise starts, but Eve cuts her off.

"No," she says, becoming aware of how loud she is, she quiets down, but she still spits out her thoughts in short, bitter, phrases. "You don't. Not anymore. We aren't together, and I am allowed to have a life outside of you."

"Do you like her?" Annalise asks. Eve sighs again, loudly. "Like, really _like_ her?"

" _Jesus_ , Annalise. You don't-" Eve starts, but her voice raises so high that it cracks and she has to stop and swallow. She raises her arms above her head and tries to take a breath, but Annalise sees that she's getting upset. "I just don't understand you. You're choosing now to be jealous? Now?"

"I don't know what you mean," Annalise says, but Eve shakes her head, looking at her.

"You didn't want this," she says, motioning to them. "You weren't ready. But as soon as there's someone else, it matters so much." She drops her hands to her sides, feebly. She looks a lot less happy than she did when Annalise came in. And Annalise does feel bad, at least a little, but she's unhappy too. She's upset. Her heart hurts, because she didn't want Eve to love anyone else. She didn't want her to be in bed with someone, laughing with someone, touching their cheeks in that way that was _their_ thing. It was _their thing._ Eve knew that. Annalise takes a breath, shaking her head before she manages to pull her eyes back to Eve and focus on her.

"You were supposed to wait," she says, sounding hurt, wrapping her arms completely around herself so that's she's enveloped in a hug. "You were supposed to _wait_ for me."  
"I'm waiting," Eve says, exasperated. She holds up her hands. "I'm here, waiting, and I don't know what you expected..." She looks around and sighs before looking straight back at Annalise. She refused to let her play the victim in this situation. Not this time. Eve had never been the villain and she was getting tired of being treated like one after everything she'd done.

"I mean, I guess you probably thought you'd come here, and I'd be alone and sad, and then what? You'd just say you missed me and everything would be fine and we could just have sex and I'd make you laugh and it would all be okay. Like normal right?" she smiles ruefully. Annalise's face doesn't change. "But at the end of the night, you'd leave right? Because you don't know if you want this. And then I'd be alone again. And you'd put me on some shelf and then you'd forget about me until you get bored or sad or horny again and decide to take me down and play with me." Eve waits for a response, but she doesn't get one. Her eyes are full of tears now, shimmering. Annalise shakes her head, looking away. She wants to tell Eve that she's wrong, but she can't find the words. Can't get herself to say them. Eve takes this as a sign that she's right and it just about breaks whatever pieces of a heart Annalise had left behind after she left the first time. She looks away and sobs. She covers her mouth to try and catch it, but she sobs anyways and it's loud, tearing through her thin frame and racking her body.

Annalise can't keep looking at her like this, but she doesn't have words, and so without hesitation she takes 3 short steps to Eve and she grabs her face and pulls her into a demanding kiss. Eve doesn't respond at first, but she does eventually because she doesn't know how not to. When they pull away to breathe, Annalise looks at her, not willing to let her hands go from her face.

"I don't like the idea of you being with someone else," she says slowly. Eve exhales, and Annalise wipes away a tear.

"How do you think I feel?" she asks, pulling back a bit. Annalise regretfully drops her hands. "You have Nate. I don't have people like that."  
"Nate hates me," Annalise argues, but Eve shakes her head.

"He doesn't," she says, looking down at her sock feet on the carpet. "I know, because it's impossible to hate you. It's just something about you. No matter what you do. No matter how many times you hurt us. There's something that just makes you seem worth all of it. Maybe you know how to play people."

Annalise frowns at this, a bit confused at what Eve's saying.

"I haven't slept with Nate," she says, shaking her head. "I don't know what you mean by 'I have him'."  
"You could," Eve says, looking up. She sniffles. "Sleep with him. And you would. Right?" Annalise opens her mouth to answer, then closes it. _Would_ _she?_ The answer is yes. She had already tried. But that was before them. Before she and Eve had gotten close all over again. Eve raises her eyes slightly and watches her struggle, and she smiles sadly. She thinks the answer is yes, and Annalise's hesitation has only helped solidify her belief.

"I don't know," Annalise says; too late. Eve just shakes her head. She looks back up completely. Her nose is red. She crosses her arms across her body and takes a shaky sigh.  
"You have Nate. I need someone too," she said. "Just for now. Otherwise I'll just go crazy, thinking about you and him and how he makes you feel..." She trails off and bites her lip before continuing. "I'll wait for you. I've been waiting. But you have to make a decision before I change anything."

"I can't," Annalise tries, but Eve shakes her head. Her eyes hold no sympathy. Just hurt.  
"I'm here for when you _can_ ," Eve says. She wipes her mouth. Annalise's lipstick had stained her hand, and a berry streak is displayed on her hand when she pulls it away. Annalise nods. She raises her hand to stroke Eve's cheek again, but her entire body tenses.

"Okay," she says softly, trying to get Eve to relax. "Fine."  
"But Annalise..." Eve starts, flinching underneath Eve's touch. This makes Annalise remove her hand, frowning. "You can't get mad when someone else takes the toy you didn't want." Annalise looks at her, and Eve takes a step back. She looks upset, distrusting.

"Eve," Annalise tries, but Eve doesn't answer. Doesn't soften her face, doesn't tell her it's okay. Annalise wants to apologize, but the words get stuck in her throat and she can't say sorry. She can't fix everything this time, because Eve looks done. She's angry, and she never gets angry. So Annalise nods slowly and purses her lips before she turns and walks to the door. She hesitates for a second, but then she grabs the door handle, steps out, and leaves. The door slams behind her, and the sound echoes around the condo. Eve sinks down into the couch, covering her mouth as she begins to cry again.

Fucking Annalise.

* * *

Annalise thinks about Eve all week. Even after Nate shows up. She thinks about her words.

" _You could," she'd said. "Sleep with him. And you would. Right?"_

She would. She could. The opportunity was here, and she was angry with Eve. Angry for reasons that didn't make sense. She was angry with her for having someone else. Angry that she had rejected Annalise. Angry that she had let them be broken. Angry that she was right about Annalise. Annalise could play people. She knew it. She didn't always mean to, but she could. And she feels guilty for it. So guilty, because Eve had made her confront those things instead of being her usual self and telling Annalise she loved her no matter what. Annalise had pushed her far enough that it broke her trust in her completely. She could fix it, she was sure. She could apologize and go back up there and do everything she could to make things right.

But she didn't.

Instead, she decided to pick Nate. At least for the moment. She hadn't been sure about it, but then, in the middle of her living room she decided _what the hell_ and she let her anger get the best of her. Instead of fixing what had gone wrong, she just decided to prove Eve right.

It's not the same. It doesn't feel good. It's not right. When Annalise rubs Nate's cheek, it's not like Eve's cheek. It's rough, and hard, instead of soft. And he doesn't return to gesture and pull her in close like Eve. They aren't the same, and Annalise tries to get over it, but she can't.

When he pulls of his shirt, it's all wrong. Of course, it's great, all rippling muscle and no fat. Smooth chocolate skin. But not Eve.

The way his body feels against hers is wrong. It's too hard, too rough. Not soft, and it doesn't fit in with her own body. Not Eve.

And when they have sex, it's good, but it's wrong. It's not gentle. It's not love. Not completely anyways. She didn't know what exactly it was; she couldn't pinpoint it, but it wasn't right. Not Eve.

But Annalise is _angry._ And she can't admit to herself that everything could be fixed if she just asked for forgiveness. So instead of going back to the woman she actually loved, or calling her, or doing anything - she stays in bed with Nate. She picks him. Not Eve.


	8. Chapter 8

**_AN: Hi guys, this is just a short little mini-chapter taking place in between scenes of the last episode we saw. I won't be updating (I don't think at least) until the show comes back in February, and I wasn't even planning on writing this really, but hopefully you guys like it. I'm still working on my other story, Veritas, though, and if you're not reading it, please do; it'd mean the world to me. x R&R as always please._**

Annalise is breaking down.

She can feel it. Feel her resolve slipping, and her mind slowly edging away from sanity, closer and closer into the unknown. She tries to tell herself that she's okay. That she's going to fix this entire situation, and that everything will be fine. She has a plan.

But she's too smart to fool herself.

Something doesn't feel right. Or to be more accurate, nothing feels right. She's off; not level somehow. Like an unbalanced scale. She's driving, in her car, behind the wheel, but she still doesn't feel stable. Her head's been spinning since she'd found out what happened to Sinclair, but she didn't have the time to straighten her thoughts out and calm down. She's busy, on her way to Bonnie, and Asher, and Wes, and Laurel, and Michaela, and Connor. To fix the problems of everyone who's counting on her. They're counting on her to fix everything. She has always been able to fix everything.

But maybe not this time.

At first, she had never really imagined that she could fail. Not now, not after how far they'd gotten. That the plan with Sam could all crumble and fall away, leaving them all exposed. She had spent so much time building up her self-confidence and her belief in her own ability that she had been able to block out any ideas that she might fail. But lately, it seemed more and more like she was losing. She'd started losing confidence after Nate's trial. Fucking Sinclair had been the cause of some of that, and Annalise couldn't find an even an ounce of remorse over her death, but she could not blame her for everything.

It was her, too. It was her fault, they were her insecurities and her doubts and her mistakes that had led them to now. Annalise always had large problems; even before Sinclair ever came along. She had been an awful person even before Nate came into the picture, even before Sam had died. The event had just made her realize who she really was again was all. She was awful, and unarguably human and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was about to lose. Not just the Hapstall case, but everything. She could lose everything.

She tightens her grip on the steering wheel.

She had wrecked those kids. Oh god, she had wrecked those kids. Wes. She had ruined him from the very beginning.

It's getting hard to breathe. She's cursing at herself in muttered, harsh words that she spits out from wavering lips. She tries to look ahead and focus on the road, but she feels her hands start shaking.

 _Not now,_ she tells herself. _Not now, not now, not now._

Annalise is no stranger to panic attacks. Sexual trauma and the lack of counseling she'd received meant that she'd suffered the side effects of PTSD until she was well into her late twenties. She knew what it meant to break down, and she couldn't afford to do it right now. She knew that it took twice the time to put yourself together as it did to fall apart, and she knew that she didn't have that time. Not now, with all these people counting on her.

Unfortunately, this thought only contributes to Annalise's shaking, and soon, the tremors are traveling through her arms and down her spine so that she feels like her whole body's part of an Etch-A-Sketch being shaken clean by a child. Only the shaking doesn't stop, and she doesn't get a clean slate. She looks down at her hands. She's going to run herself off of the road if she tries to keep going like this.

She tries to inhale, but it's like she can't get enough air. Slowly, she pulls the car over to the side of the road. She takes her hands off the wheel and puts the car in park. Subconsciously, she raises her hands to her face in a weak effort to try and cup her cheeks in that way Eve does that gets her to feel safe, only it doesn't work.

She gasps.

Her eyes are stinging. She doesn't realize she's crying until the tears roll down her cheeks and one lands in her mouth.

She is gasping. Over and over, like a goldfish.

 _Glug_ she imagines herself saying. It's a last ditch attempt to try and pull herself out of the dark. It doesn't work, and her heartbeat is speeding up. To her left, a car whizzes past on the road, causing her car to shake almost as much as she body.

"Quit it," she says out loud, her voice as firm as she can make it. She drops her hands to her legs and tugs the hem of her dress down; needing to hold onto something. "You stop it right now."

Her voice is weaker on the second command. She can't do this. She can't hold herself together. She's been holding things in for weeks and weeks, but she just can't anymore. Not now, after everything that had happened to her, and with everything that was currently at stake. But she also can't afford to fall all the way apart. And so here she is, holding on by a thread, unable to make a decision, gasping for air like a fucking fish out of water on the side of the road.

Her shaking hands have a mind of their own. They dig through her bag, get her cell phone, dial a number, raise the phone to her ear. It's ringing. It rings, and rings, and Annalise is praying that someone answers, but it clicks to voicemail.

"You've reached Nate Lahey-" the recording stops and Annalise let's put a sharp breath before ending the call. She pauses, setting her head in her hands, and closes her eyes. She's trying to even out her breathing, calm down, but her body's still quivering.

 _What now?_

She forces her eyes open before starting at the bright white screen of her phone. She hesitates, then takes another breath as her mind struggles to function. Slowly, she begins punching in a new number, wiping her misty eyes. When she raises the phone to her ear a second time, she's holding her breath.

"Hello?" drifts a sleepy voice over the receiver. The voice of an angel. The voice of Eve.

"Eve?" Annalise hears herself say in a voice that is not her own.

"Annalise?"

Eve is in bed. Or was at least. She pulls out of the grasp of the blonde next to her and gets up, stepping out of her room and into the hallway as soon as she hears Annalise's voice.

"Eve," Annalise repeats, sounding relieved, but her voice is ragged, weak. Not the tone Eve knows to be hers.

"What's going on, what's wrong?" Eve asks, holding her phone close. She fiddles with the hem of her nightshirt worriedly. She's being surprisingly nice, considering the last conversation she had with Annalise. Annalise wants to tell her everything. Wants to spill her guts all over the goddamn car floor. But she can't. Her mouth won't form the words. So instead she says:

"I'm sorry."

Eve is quiet. Annalise pauses to sniff and wipe her face in an unsuccessful attempt to staunch the flow tears coming down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, for the last time I came up there, for everything that happened. For everything thing that happened before, too. I am so sorry." Annalise doesn't quite know why she's apologizing now. Why she's trying to patch things up with Eve with all that could be about to happen. Eve seems confused as well because she takes awhile to answer. Annalise has once again managed to turn her upside down. She's partly over the apology, partly over how absolutely broken Annalise sounds. Her voice is all cracked and she pauses in odd places to take breaths. But Eve doesn't know why exactly, but she knows something isn't right, and so she answers Annalise's apology slowly, her tone even and forgiving.

"It's alright. Stuff happens, emotions run high sometimes. I'm not going to hold anything against you." Annalise doesn't even seem to be able to answer this. She's taking slow, loud, breaths that Eve can hear. She finally realizes where she remembers those breaths from. Memories of crying and her cradling Annalise on the floor, years before. These events had happened more than once, and they convinced Eve that Annalise was not as okay as she seemed. Eve knows what these breaths mean.

"You're crying," she says, her voice gentle. It's more than that, though, and she knows it. Annalise likes this tone. She's still crying, but silently, and her body hasn't stopped shaking, but it at least brings her mind back to the now. This tone reminds Annalise that Eve had been her savior for a short period and how no one else had ever been able to fix her so easily.

"Why are you crying?" Eve continues.

Annalise needs to answer with a lie. She can't say what's going on. Can't tell Eve where she is, or where she's going, or why she's upset. She can't pull her into this. But her mouth must not be on the same accord as her brain because she hears herself say -

"I messed up."

Her voice cracks on 'up'. This gives her feelings away before she says them.

"Eve, I messed up, and I'm afraid. I'm so scared."

Her voice drops to a hollow whisper on these last words. She's shaking her head rapidly in the car, the phone pressed to her ear. Eve is beginning to get frightened herself and is pacing in the tight space of her hallway. Annalise is not one to admit that she's afraid, and so for her to call Eve like this, things must have been pretty bad.

"Do you want me to come to you? You know I will," Eve says sternly, forgetting Kate in her bed and all the reasons she and Annalise argued. She cares too much about Annalise. Annalise does know this. She hears no doubt in Eve's voice. And she wants to say yes so badly, but she can't.

"No," she says. She shakes her head even though Eve can't see her. "No, I'm not home."

"Annalise, I'll get you wherever you are. Just let me know-"

"No, you can't," Annalise, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand

"Can you at least tell me what happened?" Annalise shakes her head again before she realizes she has to speak.

"No," is her answer; quiet and defeated. "I can't tell you."

Eve inhales. She's slumped against the wall.

"Of course you can't," she says, equally as quietly. "Annalise..."

Annalise inhales on the other end, and Eve purses her lips together.

"I'm worried about you. If you don't want me to come to get you, then why did you call?"

Annalise has to stop and think about this. The easy answer is that she didn't know - she had dialed the number without thinking. But if she was honest, there was always thinking behind the decisions she made, terrible as they may be.

Another answer is that Eve had always been able to calm her down. Harvard had been like that: sleepless nights spent in Eve's bed with her arms wrapped around her waist, soft lips pressed against her forehead, gentle words whispered into her ear. It would be nice to say this, but Annalise doesn't feel much calmer. She feels more confused and torn up than ever, but there isn't time to analyze her feeling. No time for light kisses and words that fixed her up. No, she would just have to stay broken.

"I just wanted to say sorry," she says slowly. "For all that's happened."

Eve doesn't like this answer. Annalise knows it because it takes her a minute to answer.

"I forgive you," Eve says, her voice cracking. "I'm sorry too." This is different, and it makes Annalise freeze, even though she's wiping her eyes again. Eve always says something along the lines of _it's okay_ , or _don't worry about it_. Never _I_ _ **forgive**_ _you_. Annalise's eyes well up all over again, but she refuses to let the tears fall. Something pieces back together somewhere deep down inside and she sniffs.

"You never did anything wrong," Annalise says. She inhales, finally able to breathe again. She doesn't want to get off the phone. Not now, when things had started to seem okay, even if it was just for a second. "I need to go."

"Okay," Eve says, her voice soft. But she doesn't hang up.

"Goodbye," Annalise says. Her voice almost sounds like it belongs to her again. "And thank you."

"Bye," says Eve. Annalise drops the phone away from her ear and puts it inside her bag. She puts her car in drive slowly and pulls back onto the road carefully.

Her mind seems clear as she drives. In actuality, it just takes a while for her thoughts to catch up with her. Just as the Hapstall mansion comes into view, it hits her.

She'd called Eve for closure.

But not the kind of closure that you got before leaving a relationship. That wouldn't be so bad.

She'd called for the kind of closure you got when you told your loved ones goodbye before you died.

And the peace she felt was the kind you got when you realized you were going to die and nothing was going to be able to change that fact.

Eve was the best thing that had ever happened to her, there was no denying that. The relationship they'd had was beautiful. It was the kind that Annalise had never imagined existed. The kind people sang about, the kind people wrote about.

It had been too short.

Their relationship was what she was most proud of and it had lasted for all of three years. It was her magnum opus and yet such a small part of her life.

That wasn't fair.

This isn't fair, Annalise thinks as she pulls onto the road that leads to the mansion. It's awfully dark out, and she is beginning to feel awfully hopeless.

She was not ready to die. Not really. She hadn't done enough, hadn't accomplished enough. She couldn't give up, yet she had been so close to doing just that. She had been ready to give up on herself and those kids that were counting on her.

This fact is more frightening than any panic attack. Because there's no going back if you give up.

Annalise pulls up in the driveway and parks before turning the car off. Amazingly, she's right back where she started. Funny how that works. She doesn't have the time to fix herself. Honestly, though, she could have all the time in the world and not have the time to fix everything wrong with her. She'd done some awful things, but she was here now.

One thing is for sure, though.

She is not going let herself give up.

Not on these kids.

Not on herself.

Not on _Eve_ \- and everything they could have had. They're her _magnum opus_ ; her _piece de resistance._

She is better than that. She'd overcome too much, worked on herself too much to be thrown into jail, or even the electric chair. And she is too responsible to let her students, or Bonnie, or even Frank take the blame for her

And so as she marches up to the doorway on legs that feel like Jell-O, she decides that she is not going to let them go down for this. She decides that she is going to save them by any means necessary.

By _any_ means necessary.


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: So I have so much apologizing to do, I know this is late, and short as well but honestly I have no idea what's going on in the show, and I'm just in a screw canon kind of mood so here you guys go. I'll try to update Veritas soon, too, I've just been working on this awful chapter - I won't digress. Enjoy!**_

Annalise has never been the type to like taking medicine. Not when she was young, and her mother made her swallow a spoonful of Vick's when she was sick. Not in law school when she used to get chronic headaches and a certain someone would tell her to just "please take an aspirin" because of how cranky she got when she was in pain. However, Annalise doesn't mind taking the hydrocodone. In fact, she takes the vicodin like her life depends on those fat white pills. This is for two reasons mainly. The first is how she feels when she doesn't take it, and the second is how she feels when she _does_ take it. These are two very different feelings.

When she doesn't take the medicine, which is mainly just when she's on the couch at night (which is something she hates) and feels too lazy to grab the pill bottle. The pain in her abdomen starts off dull as her last dose of the medication wears off but quickly turns into a screaming pain that interrupts her thoughts and crawls into her mind until it consumes everything like a hungry flame. When this feeling happens, she find herself panting as she reaches desperately and pitifully for the seemingly benign orange medicine bottle perched on the end table. The medicine is not benign though, not even close. It's the _real_ stuff. The stuff college dealers sell to students to help them relax. The expensive pills people get hooked on and then go broke for, just like oxycodone. She's too strong to get hooked. She's confident in that. But that doesn't mean she doesn't understand why people like it so much; which brings her to the second reason why she takes it. Hydrocodone is effective. It numbs the pain in her gut swiftly and relaxes her brain, putting out the flames of pain and allowing her to drift off into what she thinks is sleep. But there are dreams. Or maybe hallucinations, or visions, whatever. She sees things that seem so _real_ to her. Even though she's not consciously aware of _what_ she sees, she knows that the muddled half-sleep, half-dream state she goes into is better than being completely aware. At least in her current state. There are too many things that need her attention - too many things she could be thinking about. Wes, and the kids, and Bonnie, and Frank, and Nate. Too many things, all demanding her attention just like the screeching pain emanating from her belly. Annalise couldn't take that right now. For once in her life, she didn't feel strong enough to even _think_ about things. It was too much for just her. But she had the pills. And she had a foggy sort of content when she was on them, so she settled.

This is what Annalise thinks as she dry-swallows two chalky white pills, one after the other. Was she even supposed to take two at a time? Maybe it was only supposed to be one. Well, it was too late now. Content, she lays back down on her back, letting her eyes close as she drifts off into some in-between space where she can be alone without her thoughts.

Or at least that's what she wants.

She doesn't know how much time has passed she starts to hear the familiar crying of a baby. It is _so_ annoying. Whining and howling that she can never figure out how to stop in less than an hour. On the couch, Annalise groans and covers her face, fighting a groggy internal battle on whether she should get up or not. Eventually she decides she has to. She can't leave _him_ crying. He is hers. She owes it to him.

She gets up in what feels like a slow and careful manner to her, but would look like a drunk stumble to any witness not high on pills. In her bare feet, she shuffles across the wooden floor, following the sound of the crying into her office and to her desk, where that squirming, screaming baby boy lies in the middle of a blue blanket. He looks so distraught that it makes her heart rate quicken. Why is he on the desk? Who left him here like this? Of course he's crying, he is alone. Babies should not be left alone. So carefully, tucking one arm under his head and the other under his bottom, she lifts him and hugs him to her breast, just like how her mother showed her to do a long time ago. Humming, she rocks him in her arms, back and forth, side to side, up and down. The crying doesn't cease though. It jumps seems to intensify and amplify in her brain. She needs help. She isn't good with babies, she never knew how to take care of anything less than 10 years old. And the crying doesn't aid her drug filled, panicky mind. She needs help. Where is Sam? Where is Bonnie? Where is anyone? If they knew how much she needed them...How much she needed help right now. Now. She _needs -_

There's a knock on her door. Thank god. Someone has heard her silent cry for help. As quickly as she can, she heads to the door and opens it. Standing there is not Sam. Not Bonnie.

"Eve," Annalise says, breathing out through her mouth.

"Annalise," Eve answers. She looks beautiful like always. Her hair waves just the right way and her arches eyebrows give her a slightly mischievous air. She's in a blue coat and she's smiling. How could she be, at a time like this? With him wailing in Annalise's arms like this. Eve seems to notice the baby now for the first time. She glances at him, her smile remaining, just as wide. "Is this why you called?" Annalise nods her head quickly in response to this question, although she has no memory of calling Eve, or even thinking about her before now. As soon as Eve says it though, it makes sense. Of _course_ Annalise called her. Eve is very dependable, and she knows how to calm a child down.

"Take it," Annalise whispers hoarsely, lifting the baby off of her shoulder and passing him to Eve, who's arms are outstretched in anticipation. Immediately, the crying lowers to whining as Eve steps inside the house and moves to the living area, rocking and cooing to the child softly, leaving Annalise behind at the door. Annalise closes it firmly before following Eve into the adjoining room. Eve looks like an angel almost, walking in slow circles, rocking the child, humming. She had never been able to sing really, but the tone of her voice is nice and the melody is steady, and soon enough even the whimpering stops and the baby falls asleep. Eve looks up and notices Annalise watching her, a smile still on her face.

"That wasn't so hard," she says quietly. Annalise looks at her, then the baby, then back up at Eve before shaking her head.

"It was so hard," she says, her head still going back and forth. "So hard, and he wouldn't stop crying, I thought I was going crazy-"

"It's okay," Eve says, her voice soothing. "It's okay now, Annalise. Everything is fine."

There's a beat. Suddenly, Annalise feels jealous of that baby, getting all of Eve's attention as she rocks it so gently, back and forth. Eve seems to read her mind, because she looks up just as Annalise's mouth turns down.

"Did you have somewhere you wanted to put him?" she asks.

"You can't put it on the couch?"Annalise asks, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"No, you can't put _him_ on the couch," Eve confirms, correcting Annalise's choice of pronoun at the same time.

Annalise has to think, but eventually she nods. She shuffles into hall and goes into one of the closets, knowing exactly what she's looking for. Soon enough, she pulls out a moses basket lined with white bows containing a firm mattress at the bottom. She hauls back into the room where Eve is and set it in armchair. Eve comes up behind her and sets the baby in so gently that he barely stirs.

"He doesn't need any blankets?" she asks, lightly touching his rounded belly, which moves up and down as he breathes. She doesn't want him to get cold. Eve shakes her head and places her hand on the small of Annalise's back, guiding her to the couch, where they sit.

"No, it's better that way," Eve says. "So he can breathe." Annalise nods slowly, but she feels so overwhelmed that she can't grasp what Eve really means. She thinks her vision is getting blurry, because Eve starts disappearing, but she blinks a few times and everything straightens back out. Still she reaches across Eve to grab the pill bottle, open it, and swallow another dose of the medicine and setting the bottle back in its place. Eve watches this before speaking up again.

"You're tired. Come here."

Annalise does as she says and finds her way into Eve's arms, which wrap around her like a blanket, allowing her to finally get comfortable for the first time since she returned home. They lay like this for what feels like a long time. It feels nice. Annalise feels the need to say something to express this thought.

"Thank you," she says quietly. She can almost feel Eve smile, even though she's not at an angle where she can see her sometimes lover's face. She can't see her, but she feels her. Annalise has never been so sure of her presence.

"You don't need to thank me," her voice says, the words floating around in Annalise's mind as she tries to grab onto them and embed them in her memory. She's quiet for another moment before she speaks up again.

"What took you so long?"

Eve seems to mull over this because it's awhile before Annalise gets an answer. It's what Annalise wants to know. After she'd called Eve - right before she went into the mansion - she expected Eve to worry. To call back. And then when she'd gotten shot, she'd expected something more. Yes, maybe a call, or a card, or a visit. Anything to show that she knew what happened. It was on the news, didn't she see? She was supposed to love Annalise, but where was she? Or, where had she been? Annalise's thoughts weren't running together like they should. Maybe she'd taken too much medicine.

"Some things came up," Eve says slowly. "But I'm here now. I got here as soon as I could. I said I'd come to you, wherever you are, and so here I am. Here I am."

This is answer enough for Annalise. _Here_ is where Eve is. Her arms around her, making her feel safe, solving all her problems, getting the baby to sleep. She was glad Eve had come when she did. That sweet looking baby boy terrified Annalise. Haunted her.

"What's his name?"

This question comes from Eve.

"What?" Annalise asks, taken off guard.

"The baby. What's his name?"

This question puzzles Annalise because she doesn't have an answer. Suddenly her head hurts. It's fucking pounding. What is his name?

"I don't-" she tries. "I'm not...I never had the chance...I couldn't ever give it...him..Sam says I need to stop calling it 'it' but..."

"Shh.." Eve says, her voice has lowered to some tone that barely qualifies as a whisper, but Annalise hears her all the same. "You're tired. You need to rest. Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." Annalise decides to take her up on this offer, and so she shuts her eyes in an attempt to stop the pounding in her head. It still creeps in her thoughts though, even though she just tries to play Eve's soothing voice over and over in her head to drown the damn noise out.

I'll **BOOM** be **BOOM** here **BOOM.**

Here **BOOM** I **BOOM** am.

* * *

Suddenly, Annalise is awake and freezing. She opens her eyes to see that her surroundings have changed, and a blurry Bonnie stands in front of her, a pile of covers in her hands. She looks scared.

"What the hell are you doing?" Annalise says, trying to rush to get up. Where is Eve? Where is the baby? Where is anyone?

"Annalise you need to sit down."

"You can't tell me-" Annalise says, trying to stand. But she gets up too quick and stumbles and falls back onto the couch _hard_. Bonnie hold her hand on her shoulders, just applying enough pressure to keep Annalise sitting.

"Stay down, Annalise," Bonnie says. She's begging. And Annalise isn't the type to take orders, but Bonnie is begging and her eyes are watery with tears. "Just stay."

"Where is Eve?"

"Eve?" Bonnie says, confused. "Eve who?"

"Eve Rothlo, Bonnie, don't play with me, I know she was here," Annalise says, but even to her, her words sound slurred and barely comprehensible. "Did she tell you not to tell me she left? Because she said she wouldn't leave-"

"Annalise, no one has been here since I left," Bonnie says finally, interrupting. Annalise looks up at her, worried, but then she shakes her head quickly, assured by her own, drugged mind.

"No, she was here," Annalise says, trying to make her voice sound convicted. "She came to help with the baby because I couldn't take care of it alone."  
"Annalise-" Bonnie tries.  
"Don't you try and tell me they weren't here! I saw them-"

"Annalise, you didn't see-"

"She was right _here_ holding him _-_ "

"There is _no_ baby, Annalise!"

The room is silent after this. Annalise has begun to tear up and she doesn't know why. Bonnie's own tears are falling now, making two, smooth rivers run down her cheeks as she she shakes her head. Her hands squeeze Annalise's shoulders gently.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. And then she pulls Annalise to her, and lets her rest her head against her stomach, and together they cry.

* * *

Later, Annalise will understand. Bonnie will tell her how she pounded on to the door for hours before finally finding a key hidden under a flowerpot and letting herself in. And she'll tell Annalise how she found the hall closet open and ransacked before walking into the living room to see an empty laundry basket in an arm chair, a still open pill bottle - 3 extra missing, and Annalise, swaddled in so many blankets that Bonnie had been afraid she'd smothered herself.

Annalise will still remember seeing Eve that night. She'll remember seeing her rock the baby, and remember how her arms felt around her. And she won't blame herself for seeing Eve, because she'll understand. Eve has always been her good, her light in the dark. And so on that night, Eve pulled her out of one of the deepest, darkest ditches Annalise had ever been in, even if she wasn't really there. No, Annalise won't blame herself for seeing all those things. She _couldn't_ blame herself, really, because everything always looked different in evening light.


End file.
